


A Solo Effort

by LoveThemFiercely



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Absent Parents, Bad Parenting, Don't Tell Your Mother, Dreams, Force Bond (Star Wars), Gen, Gifted children, Happabores, Heartbreak, Jakku, L3-37 - Freeform, Millennium Falcon - Freeform, New Writer, Ord Mantell, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, Parents Han and Leia, Planet Naboo (Star Wars), Protective Parents, Raising Teen Boys, Road Trips, Teen Ben, Teenage Ben, Teeny Rey, attitude, i have a plan, toddler rey, you know where this is going
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-05-23 13:09:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 35,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14934869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveThemFiercely/pseuds/LoveThemFiercely
Summary: There hasn't been a lot of time for parenting with the New Republic to occupy everyone's energy.  Han and Leia were never much good at the settling down part in the first place.  Ben's been safe in the company of the droids who have mostly raised him, but safe isn't all a child needs.  They need love, and limits, and people, and to know that they both are and are not the center of the universe.  Han and Leia love their son, and they are determined to give it their best.  To marriage, to parenting...and to Ben.  They hope it's enough, but there's never been a child with talents and needs like Ben's.  He needs a friend, this boy.  And he's got one...on Jakku, someone else could use a friend.  They just have to keep finding each other.This is my first effort and I hope you enjoy it.





	1. Falling...Apart:  A Solo Effort, Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A picnic seems like a great idea for reconnecting. Now to figure out how to reconnect with their son. Meanwhile, Ben is beginning to figure out how to connect with everything else. Not all of it is good. Raising boys involves a lot of head injuries and attitude. Raising a boy who might be able to out-think you but doesn't know how to make good decisions? That's just plain scary. I do love the idea that Ben and Rey have been connected for a very long time. We don't always remember our dreams, even the really good ones.

“I’m worried about Ben.”

Han looked up from unpacking their picnic basket, puzzled. He’d been hoping for a different topic of conversation. They were alone for the first time in a while. A solitary spot, some finger food…and his princess, looking as fierce and as beautiful as she had the day he’d rescued her.

“Why? I know he doesn’t spend a lot of time with other kids, but I was alone at his age, and I turned out fine. Right, Your Highness?” One eyebrow rose as the familiar quirked smile made her heart lift. It always did. “You certainly seem to think so.” He pulled her toward him. “You know what? Forget the food.”

“I’m serious, Han.” Leia placed her hand firmly in the center of his chest. “Luke says he can already sense Ben, that he should be trying to connect with the Force by now, but Ben never talks about any of it. He hardly talks at all any more. He keeps ranging farther and farther out on his walks. Always alone. Luke thinks he needs study, and time with other potential Padawan, to find his way. But he’s only thirteen.”

“You know what I think. He’s the first of us to have a chance to grow up with his own blood. And I think we should let him have that as long as he can. He needs a normal life, to be part of us, part of a family. Between the two of us and our schedules, he hasn’t had enough of that. And maybe too many droids.” He wondered if they could get back to the view. And maybe some mutual rescuing.

Suddenly Leia’s head whipped around. “Ben? BEN!” Her eyes widened in fear. Han tried to follow her gaze, to hear whatever had scared her. If his wife was afraid, things were about to get really bad. She wasn’t afraid of much. That scary strength was part of the appeal.

“What’s the matter?”, he asked, reaching for his blaster.

“I’m not sure. I felt pain, sharp pain, and I saw Ben. But I don’t know what happened. I think…” She abruptly sprang up and took off, running along the line of the nearby ridge.

“Wait for me, Leia. Where are you going?! Dammit, think!”. The picnic abandoned, Han followed Leia toward the unknown danger. A familiar feeling, that.

They ran together, Leia’s eyes focused, oblivious to her surroundings. Han steadied and guarded her, scanning the landscape as they ran.

Moments later, he felt the blood drain from his face as they reached the edge of one of the low rock cliffs surrounding their chosen picnic spot. He stopped Leia with a hand thrown out before her as she also spotted the small, crumpled shape at the bottom of the rock wall. “Ben!”, cried Leia. “Son!”

Han and Leia scrambled down the rock face. Neither of them was sure exactly how they got to the bottom, and they couldn’t have described the descent if their lives depended on it. But faster than they would have believed possible, they reached the small form stretched in the dust. The world narrowed to his son’s pale face, Han searched for a pulse. With a dizzy sense of relief, he felt the steady beat, and a closer look showed him the rise and fall of Ben’s chest.

“Is he…?” Leia whispered.

“He’s alive. It’s ok.”

A quick examination revealed that nothing seemed to be bleeding. Much. As his anxious parents bent over him, Ben’s eyes blinked open and tried to focus on his mother’s face. “What…I…” he said, struggling to sit up. But as soon as his weight hit his left arm, he yelped, winced, and fainted dead away.

“Broken”, said Han. “And a pretty nasty lump on the back of his head, too. Let’s get him back to the house so the medical droids can have a look.” Catching a glimpse of Leia’s face, he added “Hey, he’ll be fine. Don’t worry. Trust me.” The look he received in return suggested that this was not a helpful sentence.

“Stay here. I’ll be back down with the speeder”, Leia called back over her shoulder as she ran toward a slightly less precipitous section of the ridge. Han nodded, straightening as he lifted Ben.

…

Rey smiled, safe and snuggled in her blankets. Sand and sunlight trickled in through the ceiling vents. The boy in her dream had scared her. He fell. And he was so still and white. She tried to catch him, but she was little and she couldn’t seem to touch him anyway. Then she’d seen the beautiful lady and the tall man with the nice smile. The tall man couldn’t hear her at all. She yelled at him a little. She even sang. But when Rey whispered in the lady’s ear (There’s a BOY and he’s HURT HELP HIM!), she jumped up like she got stuck with a pin. Ben, she said. That sounded like a nice name. They’d take care of the boy and make him better. She wondered where they were. It was green and wet and cool and not like home. Pretty. And then it was late, and Rey was sleepy, and it was just a dream, anyway. 

…

Ben woke in a darkened room, the sounds of his parents’ voices drifting through the door. “This is why we need to be home more often”, his father was saying. “He needs us.”

His mother made an irritated sound. “Luke says he needs training, and the company of other kids. But you know how I feel about that. I think he’s better off learning when he’s old enough to know better, if he has to at all. It seems like asking for trouble.” 

Ben had learned enough to know how his mother’s voice sounded when she’d already made up her mind. He wondered if he should tell her about the voice. But…didn’t everyone have stray thoughts sometimes? She had enough to do, she didn’t need another worry. If he told his parents, would they send him away for “training”? They’d just come home! And this was the longest they’d stayed there in…well, ever.

His thoughts drifted back to the climb…and the fall. As he began to fall asleep again, the day’s events played out behind his closed lids. 

…

He’d felt that strange sensation again. As though there were sparks everywhere. Some that shone bright, some twinkling merrily, some glowing reluctantly, dim and tiny. He could feel their warmth…or was it his own? It flowed over and through him, like river…or a breeze…but warm and alive. It was hard to describe, even to himself. The feeling was stronger when he closed his eyes. And when he stepped outside, it was like strong sunlight…but it was still there, even at night.

He’d started taking long, rambling walks, searching for the source of the feeling. The house droids went with him at first, but when he did nothing dangerous, or even interesting, on his walks they eventually went back to their routines in the house. He’d told them he was taking some exercise. The medical droid agreed this was healthy for humanoid life forms. Droids loved it when you were boring, and they tended to take explanations at face value. They added a block to his schedule labelled “Exercise” and went back to their own routines with apparent relief.

That day, Ben had made a discovery. He’d closed his eyes and opened them at intervals during his walk, and noticed that the “sparks” seemed to correspond to living things. Plants, animals, people…people seemed to have the strongest, warmest light. He didn’t get much of a chance to test this theory, though, since the few people he saw started to look at him strangely as he studied them with eyes open, then closed. That was nothing new, though. People were a mystery to him, and always had been.

He remembered thinking that if he got up higher, he could see the “sparks” better. Or see more of them. The plan wasn’t entirely clear, even to him, his thoughts spinning in circles as the questions mounted: why the house droids had no spark, and whether rocks had one, but he just couldn’t see it yet, and what that “flowing” was.

He started climbing, wondering if he could reach out to others this way. Maybe if he learned to understand the sparks, he could learn to understand people, too. …”and SHOW them. They must fear him! Then he could make them do as he wished.”

Startled by the thought (Was that a new voice? Was it his?), he’d lost his grip. And then, nothing. 

…

Han shot his son an exasperated look. “But WHY were you climbing? You could have just gone around the long way. It’s not like there was anything special right there you needed to see.”

Ben dropped his gaze, picking at the splint on his arm. “I don’t KNOW, Dad. I just…I needed to be higher up, I needed to SEE. I mean, not just SEE, but HEAR and LISTEN and find the things that I…and see if I could…” He trailed off, the rest of his thought lost in a mumble. Teenagers, Han thought.

Leia eyed him sharply. “The things that you what? Did something MAKE you fall? Did something or somebody hurt you? There was no one else there when we found you. Did you try to…move something? Like Uncle Luke? That’s not a good idea if you don’t know what you’re doing. You could have been killed!”

Ben shook his head. Han wasn’t sure if it was an answer or just an attempt to make the questions go away. “My head hurts, and I’m kind of tired. Can I go to bed?” he asked, peering out from under his shaggy hair. He needed a haircut.

“Of course. We’ll talk in the morning.” Leia brushed the hair from her son’s eyes. He smiled half-heartedly, ducked his head (undoing her work), and headed to his room.

…

“So what do we do? There’s something wrong. I know it.” Leia raised her chin, daring him to ask her how she knew, but Han knew better.

“We keep him busy. We get him out of this house and away from the droids for a while. He’s had enough school. It’s time he learns about the world beyond his own porch.” He lounged against the doorpost, thumbs in his belt. “It’s time he got a real education.”

“Oh really?”, Leia demanded, eyebrow raised. “And what exactly do you think a real education would be? Better that he study his tactics and history, or do you plan to teach him how to properly bribe a customs agent or win a bar fight?”

“Hey now, you were pretty happy with those skills once upon a time, Princess. Did you forget?” He pushed himself away from the doorframe to stand toe to toe with her, glaring. But damned if he didn’t look good doing it, Leia thought.. He looked good doing most things. It was very frustrating. Still dressed like a pirate, though. What kind of grown man wears a racing stripe on his trousers?

“This isn’t ABOUT you, nerf herder. It’s about our SON. I don’t think he’s cut out to be a smuggler, or to blast his way out of trouble. And I don’t think he’s ready for the Senate floor, do you? The problem is, neither of us knows WHAT he’s meant to do. He’s brilliant. The droids all say so. But he doesn’t seem to be able to get out of his own way. Or his own head.” Leia sat down suddenly, the fire gone out of her eyes. “The problem is, neither of us knows a damn thing about kids. Even our own. We were so worried about the Rebellion, we thought he’d be fine if we made sure he was taught, and kept safe, and the rest would just fall into place. But I think maybe we did it wrong.” The sound of tears was in her voice. Her control, as always, was too good to let them fall.

“Leia. Honey. We had to choose. What if we stayed and tried to be normal, to be like everybody’s else’s parents? Whatever that is. There might not be anywhere free for him to HAVE that life. You’re the one who showed ME that.” Han drew her close, kissing the top of her head. “We’ve got time now, a little. We’ll make it up to him. And, you know, a bar fight might do him good…okay, okay!” He grinned as she glared at him. There it was. That stubborn energy, back where it belonged. Nothing suited them like a good argument. Though they seemed to have an endless supply these days. He shrugged off the thought. It was time for bed. There was never as much trouble there.

…

Leia studied her brother’s face on the screen. He looked worried. In the weeks since Ben’s fall, they’d talked more than they had in a while. She’d confided in him, knowing only he would understand the fear that had begun to grow. She’d told him how the medical droid was baffled at the speed with which Ben’s arm had healed. She’d shared with him their plans to stay on Naboo for a while longer, and her worry that the Rebellion would suffer without her. She’d described their attempts to make family time happen, touring the sights of Naboo by water and visiting crowded markets. She and Han had tried to be enough, for themselves, for Ben. But they had never known how to do normal.

“I don’t know what else to do. You know neither of us is any good at sitting still for long. But Ben…he’s all inside his head. He goes along, and he listens, but mostly he just stares. At people, at the water flowing, at animals… at anything but us. He studies everything, and sometimes he seems like he’s angry, and then he just goes back inside his head.”

Luke frowned. “I can’t sense him as I could before. He seems closed off to me now. That might not be good, Leia. But I can’t tell if I’m not WITH him. He needs to be here, with other Padawan, learning how to sense the Force and let it flow through him, to channel it.”

Now it was Leia’s turn to frown. “But you know what can happen. WE know. Better than anyone else. I never had Force training, and I’m just fine. No power, no temptation.”

Luke sighed. “That won’t keep him from power, just from knowing what to do with it. And more importantly, what NOT to do with it. You said he seems angry, but he won’t express it. You know where anger can lead. We both do. Let me teach him. Let me help him.”

“No.” Leia was firm. “Not until he’s older. You were older when you started to learn. Old enough to decide. Old enough to know better. He’s too young to have that kind of responsibility. He’s just…he’s not ready.”

Ben moved back from the door as he heard his mother say her goodbyes and shut off the screen. He picked his way silently back to his room. He was glad she was still resisting Uncle Luke’s pleas. He wasn’t sure how Uncle Luke would feel about the thoughts Ben had sometimes, when he was alone. “I could convince her to keep resisting him”, was Ben’s thought. At least he thought it was his own. It must be.


	2. Climbing...Together:  A Solo Effort, Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the oddest dream Ben Solo has ever had. As he begins to wonder where the answers in his head originate, it's nice to have a vacation from being constantly wary. In my experience, teenage boys regard toddlers with a blend of slight disgust, complete bewilderment, reluctant admiration, protective instinct, and superior amusement. And truly unguarded moments may be few and far between; especially in this adolescence. I had a great deal of fun wandering around in this chapter. I hope you do too.

Rey was bored. Papa had been gone a long time. ForEVER. Papa was gone a lot. Rey would sleep and look at the pictures Papa drew on the walls, and when Papa came back he would bring something yummy, and maybe something shiny. But today it had been ever so long. She stuck a chubby finger in her mouth, considering. Papa said never, never, never open the door when he was gone. Never, never, never was important.

While she thought, a bit of sand fell, grazing the tip of her nose. Rey sneezed. Wait. Sand was from OUTside. Why was outside inside? She looked up and saw a triangle of light where there should be only cool metal and darkness.

Why was there light behind Mama’s shelves?

She looked at the curtain in the corner where Mama was sleeping. Mama was tired a lot. Rey would let Mama sleep. That would make Mama feel better.

She wormed her way behind the shelves. The light was up high and she was small. But shelves were like steps. And steps made you go up high. Wriggling and squirming, Rey and her little round legs eventually made their way from shelf to box to packing crate until she could touch the light on the wall. It was a vent. Vents were supposed to make stripes of light. But this vent made a triangle. Why?

Rey pushed at the light and the hole got bigger. One of the screws Papa used to fix things made a “pink!” noise as it fell to the floor. Rey went still and small like a skittermouse. Mama needed her sleep and she would be SO MAD if she saw what Rey was doing….or would she smile and laugh like she did sometimes?

Mama’s curtain stayed quiet. Rey pushed at the light again and the hole got big enough for a very brave small girl. She crawled and wiggled and kicked…and fell face first into the sand that had piled up against home in the night. Blech.

…

Ben smiled in his sleep. It was a strange dream. He didn’t know much about little kids, but he guessed this one was pretty cute. He liked her style. She knew what she wanted and she didn’t let anything stop her. He sort of wished he could help, though. She was awfully small. Should she be out by herself? But that wasn’t his problem. She wasn’t even real. He was just dreaming.

…

 

Rey spread her arms to the sunshine. Outside was MUCH more interesting. There was wind, and sand, and...well, mostly wind and sand. And sun. She looked around, and picked the way that looked the shiniest. That’s where Papa must have gone.

She walked and walked and walked more than anyone had ever walked. And then she was tired. Her face was hot and her legs were hot and tired and hot and her hair was hot. She decided it was time to go home and snuggle with Mama. Uh-oh. Where was home? There were big metal things and little metal things and sand and wind and sun, but no home. She sat down in the sand and thought about crying. Mama and Papa would help if she cried.

…

Ben watched the little girl sit down in the sand. Her face was getting really red. And her lip was doing a funny wobbly thing. He thought he should help her, but how could he? He was home, sleeping, in his room. Then a tear slid down one round cheek, and he made up his mind.

“ ** _Hey, little girl. KID!_** ”

She sat up all of a sudden and tried to look everywhere at once. It was kind of funny. “Who talked?”, she said. “Papa?” She looked behind her, then in her pocket. Why would somebody be talking in her pocket? Kids were weird.

“ ** _Um, it’s okay. I’m not really here. This is a dream. What’s the matter? You lost?_** ” He hoped he didn’t freak her out.

“I want my HOUSE and my PAPA!” she yelled. “And I don’t know how to get home.” More tears streaked through the dirt on her face. Oh, man. This was not good. Ben scanned the landscape. It was a desert planet. Great. There were tons of those. He’d studied them all. He’d studied everything, really.

There were a few standard-looking metal and wood buildings. He thought he knew which one might be hers, but they all kind of looked the same. And he didn’t think there was any way she was going to make it back the way she’d come. She was just so little. He looked in front of her. There was a dark place a little way ahead. It looked like shade.

“ ** _Hey, kid. See that dark place there? C’mon, stop crying. In front of you. Just look up!_** ”

She stopped blubbering for a second and peered through her fingers. “Y-yes?”, she managed. “Why, boy?”

“ ** _It’s Ben. Me, I’m Ben. If you go there, you’ll be cooler. You can rest and I can help you get home._** ”

She nodded, stood up, and started marching toward the dark spot, fists clenched and pumping as she walked. She was tough, this kid.

…

Rey thought walking would never be over. Why wouldn’t the boy let her see him? Where was he hiding? Was he hiding in the shade place? She walked faster, hoping she could ask him when she got there.

But there was no boy in the shade place. But OH. There was a Happa! Happas were BIG. The shade place was from the Happa and it was COOL. She went to the Happa and patted it on its leg. She sat down next to it. That was better.

After a while she felt better and wanted to play. She got up and walked around the huge beast. There was lots of it to pat. There were wrinkles over here and big HUGE toenails over there and OH. Big yellow TEETH. And there was a...tongue? A really LONG tongue. The tongue was sticking out from between the big yellow teeth and making a glug glug glug noise. WAIT. Glug glug was water noise. And Rey was SO THIRSTY…

She cautiously peered around the giant head and saw a big puddle of water. The tongue was sucking up the water and making it disappear. But there was so much. The happa wouldn’t miss just a little bit for thirsty Rey, right? Rey got down on her knees and leaned way over. There wasn’t a cup, so she tried the Happa way. She put her face right down in the puddle, stuck out her tongue, and slurped up that good water.

…

Ben was startled into laughter as he watched the small girl try to drink from a puddle with her face. Human tongues just weren’t designed for that like a….wait, that must be a happabore! Wow, they were HUGE, much bigger than the scale illustrations made them seem. And those teeth. He was a little worried about the teeth. The fauna guides his educational droid provided said it was important to stay away from the mouth...and so did Uncle Luke. And the tiny girl was kneeling right in front of the massive jaws. Weren’t they omnivorous?

“ ** _Hey, don’t eat her, she’s just a little kid!_** ”, he thought loudly. One large round eye opened in the gray, wrinkled head. It was looking right at him. How was that even possible? He wasn’t really here. This dream was super weird...if it was a dream. The eye stared at him for a few seconds, angled downward toward the little girl, and then -- he could have sworn it rolled its eye at him.

The girl messily finished getting water into her mouth. She stood up, stumbled as her foot hit a pebble, and grabbed for the nearest object to steady herself. This happened to be the happabore’s nostril.

“ ** _No, don’t!!_** ”, he thought and yelled, wincing. He waited for the huge jaws to open and reveal even more enormous yellow teeth. But all that happened was that the beast’s eye widened for just a moment. It held perfectly still until the girl regained her balance and let go. But Ben dissolved helplessly into laughter again as the eye pointed in his direction. It was unmistakably a plea for sympathy.

…

Leia paused as she passed the door of Ben’s room. What was that noise? It was the middle of the night. She knocked quietly, then opened the door. It was dark and quiet, but she could make out the shape of her son. Then the sound came again. Was he…laughing? In his sleep? It was the most joyful noise she thought she’d heard him make since his infant gurgles. She wondered what he must be dreaming about, and for a moment she felt like she might cry. Try as she might, as she and Han both had, they’d couldn’t provoke that kind of unguarded laughter from Ben while he was awake. Except on the rare occasions that he let anger, or fear, show through it was as though he considered each action and expression carefully. As though someone were watching. She shook her head, and quietly closed the door. Let him enjoy his dream. It sounded nice.

…

Ben watched, enjoying himself thoroughly as the little girl climbed on the happabore like it was part of the landscape. She tumbled across its broad back, walked across one powerful hind leg as though it were a balance beam, and oh, geez, swung from the stubby tail. “ ** _Hey!”, he thought sternly, “Be gentle! That might hurt!” Um, what’s your name, anyway?_** ”

The little girl dropped down from the tail and looked around the wide flank as though trying to find him again. “Rey. ‘m Rey. Where are you, boy?! Are you behind Happa?”

She walked in a circle around the happabore, which was now beginning to drowse in the heat. As she finished her circle, her head turned in the direction of some low rocks nearby. “OOH, A SHINY!”, she yelled, and ran toward the rocks as quickly as those little legs would go. Ben “turned” in that direction, and saw a glint, like sunlight reflecting off of metal, near the dusty rockpile.

She ran toward the glimmer of light, reaching the closest of the rocks...and the hole between them.

“ ** _WATCH OUT!_** ” Ben cried, but he was far too late as Rey reached for the shiny bit of metal, overbalanced (how did she get anything done with those stubby arms and legs?), and fell head over heels into the hole.

He moved toward the hole, then somehow into it, his concern leading the way. He blew out a breath in relief as he realized she was okay. The hole wasn’t too deep. The little girl sat up and contemplated a skinned knee, her face beginning to crumple. Uh-oh.

“ ** _Hey, you’re okay. Um, don’t cry. We’ve got to get you out of here, so you can...play with the happabore again. Yeah. Get up. I’ll look around for a way out._** ”

Thankfully, she rubbed an arm across her eyes, sniffed, and got to her feet. “Okay, boy. Where is out?”

It was a good question. Under his direction, they explored every corner and hollow of what seemed to be a kind of small cave between the rocks. It was open to the air above, but try as he might, he couldn’t find any hand- or foot-holds that would be useful for somebody Rey’s size. As she poked her way into a dark corner to see if it might lead anywhere, there was suddenly a scuttling and an angry-sounding chittering noise.

Ben could feel his pulse pounding as the source of the noise became visible. It was an insect. But THIS insect was about a foot long. He was pretty sure it was an insect. Six legs, plates of chitin, and oh, boy, look at those mouth-parts. This thing did not look at all friendly. And it was advancing toward Rey.

Ben searched his mind for a solution. “ ** _Go away!_** ”, he shouted at the creature, but it kept moving. He looked around for something Rey could use as a weapon...no, that was stupid. It was almost as big as she was. Pulse pounding, he did what he’d told himself he wouldn’t ever do again, and searched the part of himself (he was increasingly less certain that it was himself) that seemed to have all the answers he craved.

 ** _What do I do?? How can I help?_** , he thought. He sent the thought like a plea, and a moment later pictures began to fill his mind.

 _You could find help. You’re just a boy. There’s nothing you can do here_. He saw himself leaving this dark hole in a rock and speeding across the landscape outside. The images in his mind were of flying over the desert, sharp-eyed and swift like a raptor with no shadow.

It was tempting. But then he heard a soft sound.

“Boy? Gnaw-jaw is coming. Where is out?” He looked outside himself again to see Rey backing away from the creature. But there was nowhere for her to go.

**_I’m not leaving her, he thought. It’ll EAT her while I’m gone. What good is flying if I can’t really help? I need something REAL, something I can DO._ **

That dark corner of his mind showed him real. He saw himself squeezing his fist. The image of the giant insect paused, then began to emit a sharp squealing noise. Strange fluids started to seep out from between its armored plates, then with a horrible shrill noise and a squelch, it collapsed in on itself, its life draining away into the sand.

Ben grimaced, pushing the image away. It was so vivid, it had seemed real. He wanted to help Rey, but that seemed really...extreme. And the last thing she needed right now was to be covered in bug guts. The inside of that thing was not pretty.

He thought frantically, turning away from the thoughts and pictures he’d briefly invited. He turned toward the creature, putting himself between it and the small girl pressed against the wall, her hands clenched into unfortunately ineffective fists.

As the creature reached him, he stretched out his phantom hands in an instinctive warding-off gesture. The moment his “hand” passed into the creature, he felt hunger. Fear. *My place.* *Alone.* *Threat.* *Kill.*

The thoughts and feelings were alien,a buzzing in his ears and mind. He concentrated. **_Danger_** , he thought at it. In it. **_Fear. Leave this place. Find safety. Find others._**

The gnaw-jaw (was that really its name, or only if you were little?) hesitated, then scuttled backwards, flattening impossibly as it retreated into a hole far too small to serve as an exit for anything human.

Triumph filled him. He’d done it. On his own, he’d figured out how to make it do what he wanted.

“Can I play with Happa now?”, said a low, shaky voice from behind him. “Boy? Help me?”

He “turned” again. Her eyes were getting wobbly. Wait. The Happabore!

“ ** _I’ve got an idea. Hang on, Rey! I’ll be right back!_** ” He “flew” up out of the hole. Hey, that was useful after all. But he knew of some help that was a lot closer than the pictures in his head. And if he remembered his zoology lessons, perfectly capable of fixing this problem.

Ben approached the happabore, now snoring in the sun. He tentatively put out his “hand” and touched the top of its snout. **_Hey_** , he thought at it, **_Sorry to bother you. But I need your help. It’s about that little girl._** He wasn’t sure how smart it was, so he added some pictures. A picture of Rey, small and red from the heat. A picture of her in the hole. A picture of the rocks and the opening into which she’d fallen. And last, a picture of her tears. That ought to do it. Those were disturbing.

The happabore snorted and grumbled, but as he showed it the problem, its eye flew open. With an alarmingly loud grunt, it heaved itself to its feet. It took a minute for the giant beast to turn around and get moving, but once it got going he could finally see what those ridiculous-looking back legs were made to do. The texts hadn’t properly conveyed how unstoppable a running happabore really was.

Almost before he finished the thought, the happabore had reached the innocuous-looking rockpile. Oh, no. The pitiful sounds of sobs echoed up from the dark hole in the ground. He should never have left her. But what was he supposed to do? He drifted down to the bottom near the shaking girl curled into a ball on the sand.

**_“Hey, it’s me. I told you I’d be right back. C’mon, stop that. Look up, I brought help.”_ **

Rey uncurled herself and blinked up at the circle of light at the top of the cave. Framed against the bright sky was a concerned-looking snout and one large brown eye. How he knew when a happabore looked concerned, he had no idea.

Rey smiled, rounding her tear- and sand-covered cheeks. She stretched her arms up over her head and said “Happa! Up, please.”

He had to smile. Just as he’d hoped, that ludicrously long tongue snaked out of the long face and wrapped around the little girl’s waist.

“Whee!”, said Rey as she began to rise into the air. In moments she was out of the hole and perched atop the happabore’s back. She looked enormously proud.

Okay, now for the tricky part. Ben rose out of the cave and placed his hand behind one small, swiveling ear. **_She needs to go home_**. He had no idea what her parents looked like. He pictured larger human figures with smiling, generic faces picking up the little girl and walking her to the building she’d come from, as near as he could remember it.

The happabore snorted and twitched its ear as though bothered by a fly. Rey, suddenly over her fright and the tears, starting singing a song. He didn’t understand most of it, but it consisted largely of yelling “Happa and me, Happa and me!”

More slowly than it had come, the huge beast lumbered back toward the concrete pad where it had been lying, then past it toward a low metal building he hadn’t noticed before. The happabore approached the door confidently and tapped it with a giant yellow tusk, producing a hollow “bong!”.

The door opened, revealing an old man in white robes with a pen in his hand. “Yes?”, he said. “Oh, it’s you, girl. Clever of you to knock. Well, who’s this? Hello, little one. Where did you come from? And what’s your name, then?”

Rey burst into tears again. “I’m REY and I’m LOST and I fell down a HOLE and I’m HOT and I’m HUNGRY and I want my PAPAAAAAAA!!!!”, she wailed.

The old man lifted her down from the happabore’s back and patted her kindly on the head. “Rey, are you? My name is Lor, and it’s very nice to meet you. I saw your Papa just a little while ago. He’s been looking for you and worried about you and he will be VERY glad to see you. And I know *just* how to reach him. Come along, then. We’ll have you home in no time, child.”

“Okay.” She sniffed cautiously. “Can I come play with Happa again soon?” She put her hand in his larger, frail one.

“Happa, is it?” The old man grinned. “Of course you can. She and I are old friends. You can come and see us both." He led her toward the far door.

Ben felt the scene fading, as though he were moving backward, retreating.

Just before it faded completely, he saw Rey pause for a moment, looking over her shoulder. “Bye, boy. You are a nice boy and I like you.”

…

He woke up, smiling. Maybe knowing things and seeing things wasn’t so bad. Even the Teaching Voice had helped. Sort of. It was something to think about. But first he needed to go do some research on happabores.They were much more interesting than the books would lead you to believe.

It was nice to have helped a friend. Even if only in a dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to flypaper_brain for immersing me in this world and for very helpful nerdy fandom suggestions. It's nice to have stories demanding to be written. This story, and Ben, are still works in progress. Suggestions and comments are welcome. Be kind, I'm new at this and I have no idea how it keeps happening to me. :D And there is definitely more. Chapter 3 will not leave me alone.


	3. Landing...Assisted:  A Solo Effort, Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's no living in a house where mother and son are too alike and both angry way too often. Obviously the way to sort this out is the time-honored tradition of the father-son road trip, coupled with its necessary companion, "Don't Tell Your Mother". There's usually some danger and some mild disaster involved in those, or so Mom will never hear, but this one's going to be a little more eventful than most.

The house was a minefield. Ok, not a literal minefield, Han conceded. Not even an asteroid field. Either of those would have been easier. But Leia was angry with Ben, and Ben was angry with Leia, and they were both angry at him for some reason…what was THAT about?

It had started when Leia tried to “encourage” Ben to get to know some of the local kids. She was a Senator, after all, so encouragement tended to sound more like issuing a proclamation sometimes. Not that he’d said so. Han knew he was short on natural caution sometimes, but he had better sense than that.

Leia had pointed out to Ben that he didn’t even know their nearest neighbors’ names. He’d responded by pointing out that neither did she. That had not gone over well.

Han had, however, taken this opportunity to again suggest that Ben could benefit from some time off Naboo, since he was so interested in the creatures and climates of other planets (and, in Han’s opinion, really needed to get out and see more of the galaxy). And THAT was when they both turned on him. Leia said something about “undermining” and Ben said something about “telling him what to do” (seriously? It was what he wanted to do!) and Han had made a strategic retreat. He had NOT fled. It was a strategic retreat.

…

 

Han was sitting on the porch, thinking about the good old days in organized crime, when life was less dangerous. Wait…the yelling had stopped. Was that good or bad? He considered the best tactical approach. Never mind. He opened the front door and quietly re-entered the house. So far, so good. He moved toward the bedrooms, noting that Ben’s door was firmly closed. As he padded down the hallway toward his own bedroom, he heard conversation (definitely NOT the argument he’d left to avoid), and Leia taking her leave of someone. The office door opened and Leia stepped out.

“They’ve called an emergency Senate meeting. There’s no getting out of it.” Her shoulders slumped. His princess was rarely defeated, but Ben was turning out to be a considerably more exhausting opponent than she’d anticipated. He hated seeing her look so worn. He suddenly regretted slipping out of the house. But he hadn’t figured out how to support her when he didn’t agree with her. How did people DO this?! Leia turned pleading eyes on him. She so rarely asked for anything. He was doomed.

“Can you talk to him while I’m gone? Make him understand? He can’t be locked in his room with his texts or wandering alone all the time. It’s not healthy. And he needs...we need him to...just talk to him. I’ve got to pack.”

She still couldn’t bring herself to say exactly what she thought Ben needed, Han thought. Or what made her so afraid. He wished she would. It would be easier to help if he knew what the hell the problem actually was. Ben was a good kid. He’d find his way.

…

Leia threw clothes into a packing case. She knew the protocol droids would have fits when they saw the state of her robes, but right now she couldn’t be bothered to care. How could they summon her now? Just when she was trying to get through to her son? Not that that was going well. He could not be allowed to talk to her like that. She hoped Han would straighten him out while she was away. But, infuriatingly, he was right. She tried to think of the name of a single nearby homeowner, and came up empty. She’d been too busy building a Republic to knock on doors to ask if she could borrow a cup of sugar, blast it. And that made it really difficult to have the high ground when encouraging Ben to get to know people. But he HAD to make some friends. She’d done her research, read the experts. Empathy was very important in a child. She was worried that Ben didn’t know how to put himself in someone else’s place. That the troubles and dangers of others were just distant history or sociology to him. And if that were true, it would lead to nothing but trouble for someone as brilliant and talented as her son. It could lead to some very dark, very familiar places. And she would NOT let that happen. She shook her head. That would have to be tomorrow’s problem. Or next week’s. Today she had whole planets of troubles to consider.

…

 

Ben fumed in his room. He’d had to shut off the screen of his datapad. He couldn’t concentrate. She just didn’t get it. How could she lecture him on how to deal with people? She just gave them orders, or talked to hundreds of them from a floating lectern. That didn’t give her the right to try to explain people to him. Anyway, he knew all he needed to know. He’d read every sociology, history, and anthropology text there was. He thought he’d do just fine when he decided there was someone worth the conversation. He had in his dreams.

There was a knock at the door. It was Dad, he could tell. Dad always sounded like he was trying to make music when he knocked. Mom, on the other hand, sounded like she was trying to raise an army.

“Son? You got a minute?”, Han called. “I’ve got an idea.”

Uh-oh. Dad’s ideas could be trouble. The droids had told him the stories.

…

 

Han sat in the desk chair as Ben slouched on the bed. If he pitched this carefully, he might be able to help both of them. And get some peace and quiet back in the house.

“Your mother’s worried, and not just about you. I mean, she worries about you, and she worries about me, and then her job is to worry about the entire rest of the galaxy. So cut her some slack, will you? Me, I just worry about you and her. That’s enough.”

Ben stared at the floor. He looked angry. And guilty. But mostly angry. Time to try another approach.

He raised an eyebrow at the boy, currently fidgeting like he’d rather be digested by a Sarlaac than have this conversation.

“So here’s the deal. The idea I had might be good for both of you. But before I tell you, so we don’t give your mother anything else to worry about, you can NOT tell her about this. Got it?”

Ben looked reluctantly intrigued. He had him now.

“Okay. I won’t tell Mom. What am I not telling her?” Ben sat up and stilled his hands and feet. That was promising.

“I heard from some...old friends that there might be some goods from Alderaan still in deep-freeze on Ord Mantell. Weren’t you just studying that in Galactic Geography with the teaching droid?” Han knew for a fact that this was true. He’d quizzed the teaching droid on Ben’s current course of study. Some of it made his eyes glaze over. Dagoyan Philosophies of Bardotta? Give me a break.

Ben’s eyes lit up. “Yeah! Their star is called Bright Jewel. And that’s the native homeworld of Mantellian Savrips! I can’t find much about them, though, except in dejarik. They’re one of the best pieces.” His hands swung wildly as he described their shape in mid-air.

Han marvelled for a moment. This kid really knew his stuff. “Right. I remember your Uncle Luke and Chewie playing a lot of that game. It usually ended with Chewie flipping the table, though. He’s kind of a sore loser.”

…

 

Ben watched his father grin lopsidedly as he remembered the “good old days”. The droids hadn’t told him that part. It sounded like fun.

“So what about Ord Mantell?” he asked.

…

 

It took Han a moment to remember what they’d been talking about. Those memories were strong.

“Right. Well, the way I heard it, in the deep freeze in Ord Mantell City, there are some crates of tea. Chinar bark and starblossom. Now, Chinar trees are still around, but anything with starblossom in it is *really* hard to find. That blend was your mother’s favorite. She said her mother used to make it when it was cold outside, but she hasn’t had any in a very long time.”

...

 

Ben looked down again. He knew his mother’s home was gone. He’d read about it. But she never talked about that part. She’d talk sometimes about how beautiful her mother had been, and sometimes about her father and how he knew about every kind of people in the galaxy, it seemed. But she didn’t talk about what had happened to her home. He couldn’t really imagine what that must be like.

…

 

Ben scuffed his foot across the carpet. Damn it, Han thought, I'm just not good at this. Okay. Try again.

“So I thought it might make her happy to have some here at home. She deserves something nice. And everybody’s happier when Mom’s happy, right? I thought maybe you could come with me. When I go get it.” Han looked intently at Ben, as though he could get him to make eye contact through sheer force of will. Right. “THAT’s the part you’re not supposed to tell your mother. What do you say?” He hoped the offer was sufficiently enticing. This part would make Leia go up like a case of coaxium dropped from orbit, but he *knew* it was the right thing for Ben. You couldn’t learn about life from books. Ben’s breadth of knowledge was almost frightening, but it was all theoretical. He considered carefully, then dropped the secret weapon. “I thought we’d take the Falcon.”

…

A few hours later they were loading supplies onto the Falcon. Ben had taken him up on the offer as soon as the words had left his mouth. The old girl really was irresistible, Han thought. She was scuffed and battered, but full of stories. She was part of what Ben needed too. He patted one of her struts with a fond smile.

…

 

The trip out to Ord Mantell was uneventful, but it was good. Ben was immediately obsessed with the inner workings of the Millennium Falcon. He was constantly asking questions about the controls, the wiring, the structure, the materials... Han had to dig deep for some of the answers. Some of them were probably not entirely accurate. He’d always flown by the seat of his pants, his piloting style a hodgepodge he’d picked up in a lot of different places, some of which he’d rather not remember. But his son had probably spoken more words in the last couple of hours than he had in the last couple of weeks. Exactly what he’d been looking for when he suggested this trip. And after he excavated some and scrolled through the ship’s data and navigational centers, she’d coughed up her technical manuals (he’d forgotten they even had those) and blueprints (she had BLUEPRINTS? Where had those been all his life?) and Ben’s incessant questions turned to commentary. Which was actually pretty interesting. Han listened with half an ear, occasionally interrupting to direct his new co-pilot when another set of hands was needed.

Ben pored over the schematics, throwing out comments about fuel efficiency optimization and structural integrity. He talked circuitry, cargo capacity, tensile strength, and hyperspeed physics. He was perfectly capable of continuing this while throwing switches and (mostly) following instructions. Good. Multitasking made for a good pilot, and this would be Ben’s ship someday. He had some good ideas. Han noted them, but internally discarded them in favor of the nonchalant “winging it” that had been working for him for decades. You only fixed things if they were broken. And even then you waited a while until you were really up the creek. You argued with her a little, then sweet-talked her. Worked every time. They were lucky. Nothing had broken down yet on this trip. He ran a hand over the console. He didn’t need manuals to know his ship. They were old friends.

…

Ben was fascinated with the mechanical data he’d been given. The Millennium Falcon was the stuff of legends, he knew. The ship that saved them all. But he wanted to know about what went on inside the ship. He wanted to know how it was put together and what made it the fast and fierce machine it was. He began to suspect after a few questions that his father didn’t actually know much about some of the internal information for the ship. That baffled him. How could you pilot something if you didn’t memorize all the specifications? Really, down to the last junction and indicator light? But somehow, the ship still did exactly as Dad directed, purring like a well-fed tusk-cat. He might not be able to tell Ben the kilopascals of pressure exerted by the internal ship’s doors when they closed, but he clearly knew exactly what he was doing when it came to flying her. It was like they were communicating somehow. But that was impossible. The Falcon was just a machine. And, he suddenly noticed, a really *dirty* machine. There were random bits of wire and mechanics’ tools everywhere. Didn’t Dad ever clean this thing? He thought probably not. It was a beautiful machine, but there was definitely a smell. Was that a...burning smell? A moldy smell? Both? There was definitely something chemical in the mix. He shook his head, banishing the thought as he entered coordinates under his father’s direction. Co-piloting this ship was still the most amazing thing he thought he’d ever done.

Before long they were descending into the atmosphere over Ord Mantell. The clouds really *were* pink. And glowing. Wow. And you could really see all the mountain ranges from here. It was something totally different to see it for yourself.

He tried to look at everything at the same time and still listen for things he might have to do. Which wasn’t much, as it turned out. His dad was totally confident, just tossing a direction or task out the side of his mouth once in a while as his hands danced over the controls. Han zeroed in on Ord Mantell City as Ben watched it grow larger, framed in the circular port like the paintings and images he’d studied at home. But this was real. He was really here.

He had to tear himself away to help with the landing. He watched in disbelief as his father set the Falcon down in a space that looked impossibly small. The ship settled down onto the landing pad in a delicate motion that reminded Ben of his mother tucking her skirts under her knees before sitting on the grass at home. He knew from his reading how impressive this was. Flying was easy. Landing was hard. That’s what all the pilots said.

…

Ben stood beside his father, taking in the sights, smells, and sounds of Ord Mantell City as Han spoke to an Aleena outside a seedy-looking junk shop. The Aleena’s half of the conversation appeared to be taking place in...Huttese? Ben caught a few phrases here and there: “Solo”, of course, “moulee-rah” meant money, he thought, and then the Aleena turned to look over Han’s shoulder and yelled “Chuba!” as its eyes widened.

Ben and Han turned to see a man in a stained shirt stumble backwards out of the bar across the narrow street. The man grumbled a few words Ben had never heard before, then nearly fell. His father caught the clearly drunk stranger by the shoulders. The man reacted by turning around and taking a swing at Han. His father responded by ducking, levelling what Mom called his “damn fool” look, and throwing a carefully calculated punch in return. Han’s blow landed, and the man went reeling back across the street, where he was pulled back into the open door of the bar. Ben’s mouth hung open for a minute in frank admiration.

“Okay, I think we’re done here, kid”, his father muttered, grabbing Ben by the shoulders and hustling him down the street. “Definitely don’t tell your mother about this part.” Ben tried to look over his shoulder to see what happened next, but only heard the distinct sound of breaking furniture.

…

The next phase of the negotiations wasn’t nearly as exciting. Dad and the deep-freeze warehouse manager talked back and forth about crates and credits and...luxury fees? What were those? Ben’s eyes started to glaze over. He looked over at the warehouse itself, then back at his father. Han was now leaning back with his thumbs in his belt, his attention fully engaged in haggling, which he really seemed to enjoy.

Ben took a few careful steps toward the warehouse, then kept walking when nobody seemed to notice. There were probably all kinds of interesting things in there.

He circled the building until he found an open cargo door. He looked left and right before he went in, but one lone boy didn’t seem to set off any alarms, or even a second glance. Good. _Evading the attention of others could be a very useful skill_ , his mind whispered. Those kind of thoughts didn’t surprise him like they used to. He was beginning to depend on them sometimes.

As he sidled along the outer edge of the warehouse, a stack of crates caught his eye. They were labelled in a dark blue color, different than most of the others. He moved closer so he could read the writing. Tuanulberry dye! That came from Jakku. He’d learned about it while he was researching gnaw-jaws after that bizarre dream. There wasn’t a lot on that planet, but he remembered that color had stood out from the rest of the drab-looking images.

Ben flattened himself against the wall before he’d even realized that he’d heard a noise. There was a pained grunt from the other side of this stack of crates.

“Hey, be careful with those! You could blow us all halfway to Quantxi with that stuff!”, yelled a *very* irritated Chadra-Fan, waving his clipboard. His(?) nose and ears were twitching with annoyance. “Just take it out to the freighter like I told you. And DON’T drop it, or the boss will have what’s left of us for breakfast!” The Chadra-Fan marched in the opposite direction, fuming. Uncle Luke was right. They did kind of look like big, two-legged womp rats. It wasn’t a flattering comparison, though.

“Sorry…” came a deep, rumbling voice from outside the nearest cargo door. Ben edged closer to source of the voice. And what he saw was a foot--a very large, green foot, which led to a very large, green knee.

His gaze continued to travel upward 2...3...no, 4 meters. The pictures did not do them justice. Mantellian Savrips were HUGE. But none of the books mentioned that they could speak Basic. That was something he’d had to come here himself to learn. Dad was right. That was very annoying.

The enormous green lizard-man hefted crates bigger than Ben’s own bed at home without any visible effort. If it spoke Basic, he had so many questions! _But best to stay hidden. That beast could crush the life out of you in a heartbeat, and it will not be pleased to see that you are trespassing_. He felt a stab of fear--he WAS trespassing, wasn’t he?. He was not supposed to be here. Somebody was definitely going to be angry. But the Savrip didn’t look angry. Reptilian faces were hard to read, but he looked...sad? Apologetic? Still, best to be safe. Dad always said Chewie could tear somebody’s arms off (Ben had always wondered if he was joking), and this thing would make a Wookiee look like a stuffed toy. Ben kept to the shadows, following the Savrip as it wrangled the huge crate out the open cargo door and down the short walkway to the landing area. There were plenty of places to hide, with all the crates and dollies and clutter. He was getting good at making people not notice him.

The Savrip hesitated at the end of the walkway, balancing the crate on those long, long arms and one clawed foot. The yellow eyes looked one way, then the other. The Chadra-Fan with the clipboard appeared. It was like he could smell inefficiency.

“Go on, then, move, you great big lump! It goes over there, with the rest of the cargo for the L19. No, the one bound for Chandrila. All the denton crates are marked for that ship.” The Chadra-Fan gestured furiously, standing on tiptoe now with its beady black eyes narrowed. “Get on with it! We haven’t got all day. Everyone’s got a timetable. We can’t afford to have you mucking with the schedule.” It swatted the Savrip irritably with the clipboard.

Ben felt a cold rush of fear start in his stomach. Without even thinking, he spoke aloud “Chandrila?! Denton? But isn’t that where the Senate is…”. Realizing his mistake as the Chadra-Fan twitched those radar-dish ears and whirled in his direction, he dropped all attempts at stealth and ran, heart pounding, to find the Falcon and hope his father would know what to do.

Shouts of “Hey, you! Human! Boy! Get back here!” receded as he ducked behind a pallet, plastered himself against the closest module pack, and tried to disappear between two parked turbo-dozers.

 _If you don’t want them to see you, make them stop seeing you._ The knowledge of how to do this was pressing against his mind, but he couldn’t concentrate. He was too busy trying to get away. _Then make sure there’s something in their way._ He reached out to push over a pile of equipment as he ran by it, but it fell over all on its own as he passed. As though he’d made it happen just by wanting it so much.

Somehow he made it back to the Falcon. It looked like Dad was stowing the last of the crates of tea. Good, because it was *really* time to go.

…

“There you are!”, Han called as his son finally reappeared. “Where’ve you been, kid? Woah!” He caught Ben by the arm as he reached the foot of the Falcon’s ramp, running so fast he’d had a tough time stopping. He paused, taking in Ben’s sweaty hair, the big gulps of air he was taking, and the wild-eyed face. “Okay. Spill it, son. I know trouble when I see it, and this says trouble.” He put a hand on Ben’s shoulder. The kid was shaking.

“Dad, I found a Savrip and he was loading crates. I followed him and they said they were crates of denton and they’d blow us all to the moon and the Chadra-Fan saw me and they said the crates were going to Chandrila!”. All of the words seemed to leave Ben’s mouth at once.

It took a minute for “denton”, “Chandrila”, and “saw me” to register. Leia! And they’d better get out of here quick, or their lives were bantha fodder. Oh, hell. It was just supposed to be a quick trip. Safe. Damn it.

“Right. Up you go. Move it!”, he told Ben, with a hand between his shoulders for emphasis.

…

He was right. Dad knew exactly what to do. Before Ben’s heart had stopped pounding from running, they were both back in the cockpit, crates stowed, engines humming, and rising back up through Ord Mantell’s clouds. They didn’t look nearly as nice from this side. Of course, that might have been the sound of BLASTERS he’d heard against the closing ramp.

He watched the warehouse anxiously as they gained speed. Engines were firing up. Oh, boy. Those weren’t freighters. There were way too many weapons on those. All pointed at them.

There wasn’t time for much thinking after that. Han’s directions came faster and sharper. The ship seemed faster, too, like even the Falcon was in a hurry to get out of range. Ben had sometimes wished he’d been around for the old days so he could watch Han Solo, famous Rebel pilot, weaving through asteroid fields and leaving Imperial destroyers in the dust. He discovered this was a lot scarier in person. It was tough to stay upright in his seat, let alone be much help, as his father made the ship dance like a falling leaf. But it was also thrilling to learn once again that Dad was *exactly* as good as they said he was. Even after all this time, he maneuvered the Falcon like he was dodging laser cannon blasts with his own body. It was all Ben could do to keep it together until they finally made it to hyperspace and they could both take a breath.

…

“There’s no way they’ll risk trying to follow us to a Republic planet”, his father said, flexing his hands as he swiveled away from the controls. “They’d be blown out of the sky. As soon as I get this news to your mother and the other Senators, you’re heading straight back to Naboo. And…”

“I know”, Ben interrupted. “ ‘Don’t tell your mother.’ “ He had no intention of finding out what would happen if he did that.

There wasn’t much opportunity to think about that either. Dad headed straight onto the comms, which left Ben to watch over the Falcon as it hurtled down the hyperspace lanes. The nav system on the Falcon was a thing of beauty, but there still had to be somebody at the controls, even after the coordinates were entered.

It didn’t seem like long before his father came back, but Ben noticed how creaky he felt after sitting at the controls while Han was gone.

“Nice job, kid. I got the warning to the Senate in time. Your mother and the rest of the Senate will deal with those guys. Trust me.” His father grinned. So did Ben. Was it weird that he felt sort of sorry for the conspirators?

“Time for us to head home.”

…

The Falcon came out of hyperspace above Naboo with a lurch. There was a sizzling, crackling sort of noise from down the access hallway, and Ben thought he smelled smoke.

“Oh, come on!” His father leaned his head against the console for a moment. “We’re almost there. Can’t you hold yourself together until *after* we land? You had to throw a short now?”

Han smacked his fist against the nearest access hatch, then swore at the resulting “pop” from further back in the Falcon. “All right. The controls are yours again, son. “I’ll be right down there, arguing with the ship.”

Okay, that was weird. He hoped Dad wasn’t cracking up. He was talking to a piece of transportation.

They drifted closer to Naboo (not the right part of the planet, he thought) to the tune of more swearing and...hammering? He was pretty sure that wasn’t how you fixed an electrical short.

A few minutes later, there was a second, even louder “pop”, a strangled yell, and a thump. What the hell?, he thought. When he heard the groan, though, he got worried enough to leave the controls and head down the access hallway himself. They were just drifting anyway.

He broke into a run when he rounded the corner and saw his father slumped against a panel. It looked like he’d been thrown clear across the hallway and hit the opposite wall. He was breathing, Ben could see. He knelt down by his father, looking for injuries. There was a scorch mark on the shoulder of his shirt and a burn on the palm of his hand. His arm was twitching. Was that blood in his hair? Well, crap.

…

The boy was on a ship. Rey thought he looked scared. He was on the floor next to a man. Wait, that was the tall man with the nice smile. She reMEMbered.

“Dad? Dad!” the boy yelled. Wait. That was the boy. That nice Ben boy. She didn’t see him before, but she heard him. But now she could see him. He looked like he might cry. That wasn’t good. Before when she cried, he helped her. Could she help?

The tall man opened his eyes. “Son?” He sounded tired. He looked tired. Was that why he was lying down on the floor in this place? Ooh, he had a sore place on his head. Rey patted the sore place to make it feel better, but the tall man didn’t notice. But the boy shivered. He noticed. **_“Can you help him, boy?”_** , she asked. He shivered again and looked behind him.

…

Of course he should help Dad. Why was that thought even a question? But he wasn’t sure how...and he had no idea how to get them both home. That hadn’t even been his own voice. Was he losing it? Dreaming while he was wide awake?

He shook his head. “Dad. Can you hear me? I think you shocked yourself. Are you okay? Do you think you can get up?” He extended a hand, then shoved his shoulder under his father’s arm. It was awkward, but he managed to get Han to his feet. He wasn’t very steady. His weight was heavy on Ben’s shoulder as they made their way slowly down the hallway to the cockpit. He snuck a few looks at Dad’s face as they walked. His eyes weren’t focusing very well. They sagged shut once, alarmingly, before he reached the controls and wrestled Dad into the pilot’s seat.

“I’m all right. Hang on, give me a minute.” His voice didn’t sound quite right either, like his teeth or tongue might be in the way. Han put his hands to his ears, like he was shutting out a noise. He squeezed his eyes shut, shook his head, then opened them again. “Okay. Where are we?”

“We’re over Naboo, Dad. Don’t you remember?” That would NOT be good. Ben resisted the urge to shake his father until he was more awake. It probably wouldn’t help.

“Yeah...yeah, Ben, I remember. How long was I out? How far did we drift?” Slowly, Dad started checking the nav display. His hands weren’t very steady, though. And he paused every few seconds like he had to remember what he was doing again. This was going to be a bumpy landing.

…

Rey didn’t understand why the boy wouldn’t talk to her. He talked to the tall man. He called the tall man Dad. Was that like a Papa? If he was Ben’s papa, he must be very nice. But he couldn’t hear Rey at all. Rey knew that boy Ben could hear her. Why was he pretending? Maybe she should yell _**REALLY LOUD**_!!

…

Ben winced. Maybe his father wasn’t the only one hearing things. He really was going crazy. **_Ssssshhhhhh_** , he thought. Great. Now he was trying to get nothing to be quiet.

…

 

OOH! He SHUSHED. That wasn’t nice. **_“Hey!”_** , she said. **_“Fine. You’re silly.”_** She turned around and looked at...ooh, this part had lots of lights. And colors. And BUTTONS. She tried to press a button, but her hand went right through it. Oh, she thought. It was a ship. And she was worried.

…

 

He *was* silly. Why else would he be arguing with himself? _That’s not important. You must land the ship, or else you will die_. He couldn’t land the Falcon. That took skill, and a lot of it. And Dad was fine, wasn’t he? He was still flying this thing. They were almost down to the atmosphere now. He looked up from the console. His father’s eyes had closed. As Ben watched, Han’s hands fell to his sides. His head tilted back, and he slumped in the pilot’s seat.

“Dad? Damn it, Dad, we’re almost home! Wake up!” He shook his father’s shoulder. No response. “Dad, please! I can’t do this by myself.” His eyes stung.

…

 

The ship lady was funny. She thought that Ben boy was being silly too. He should just make the ship fly himself if his papa was sick. She said Rey should tell him so.  The ship lady was sorry that the tall man was sick.  She didn't want him to go away.

That’s when Rey heard the strange noise. She kept one hand on the ship lady and turned around. Oh. The boy was crying. His head was on his papa’s shoulder and she couldn’t see his face but he was making a crying noise. It was different than her crying noise but it was still crying. He shouldn't be sad. He was nice. Even if he shushed her before. He loved his papa. She could tell.

 ** _“Don’t cry. Is your papa sick? Can your find your mama so she can make him better?”_** , she said. He didn’t look surprised this time. He just looked sad.

“I can’t wake him up. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know why I’m talking to you. Who are you anyway?” His eyes were red. “Am I dreaming? How can I dream when I’m awake?”

 ** _“Silly boy. I’m Rey. I’m not a dream. You are. “_** She patted his head because he shouldn’t cry. ** _“The ship lady says you have to make her fly.”_**

The boy stared at the dark outside. “What ship lady? I don’t understand. I don’t know how to land this thing alone. And if I mess it up we’ll both die.” Another tear happened. He wiped his face and made a sniffing noise.

 ** _“She’s not a thing. She’s a lady. She’s funny. Can’t you see her light? You have one too. And your Papa.  She says…”_ ** Rey paused and turned back to the ship lady so she could say those words again. She said the numbers and words to Ben just like the ship lady said them.

His eyes got big. “Those are atmospheric coordinates. Altitudes and approach vectors. How do you even...It doesn’t matter. Maybe I’m crazy. But I’ll try it anyway. Hang on, Dad.” He patted his papa on the shoulder. He was learning. The boy made the buttons and screens do things. There were switches and lights. The ship lady said he was doing it right. Mostly.

…

 _It could be a trick. Madness. The ship can’t possibly be alive. The power inside you can land the ship. Remember the crates._ But Ben remembered instead dreaming of a desert planet. He remembered how the happabore had seemed to hear him, how he’d been able to speak to it. He closed his eyes and thought about the Falcon. It was no use. There was no spark. She was a machine. Machines didn’t have sparks. But an image of the girl appeared before his mind’s eye. She was sitting on the console in front of him, nodding and clapping her hands.

 ** _“You’re doing a good job!”_** , he heard. **_“The ship lady says you’re almost there. It’s not very far.”_ ** He opened his eyes. There was no one there except Dad, who was starting to look very pale. He looked ahead. There were already out of the cloud layer. He was shocked to realize that they were just above his home. He recognized the low ridge behind the house. He ought to recognize it. He’d fallen off the damn thing.

…

Rey wondered what a throttle was. And landing gear. The ship lady said those were very, very important. And she said the boy needed to make them work. **_“The ship lady says to...go back, ship lady? EASE back on the throttle. And she says landing gear. You need that. Where is it?”_** Rey poked the boy. It was imPORtant.

“Got it. Lowering the landing gear. Um. Nope, the other way. Easing back on the throttle. I don’t know. This doesn’t look right. I can’t crash Dad’s ship. HELP ME.” The boy closed his eyes. How could he fly with his eyes closed?

…

 ** _“The ship lady says you are CROOKED and you need to be STRAIGHT.”_** This was true, but not very helpful. Ben closed his eyes again. _Use what you have learned._ He didn’t know, or care, whose thought that was. He laid his palms flat on the console and turned inward, looking for the part of himself that could see sparks and talk to happabores and dream of rescuing a little girl on a desert planet. He set aside his body, his fear, his anger, the image of his father silent beside him. He set aside the voice in the dark corner, the rapidly approaching grass, and even the girl. Rey. Reluctantly, he set her aside too. He reached until he could feel the whole ship, the Falcon, the beautiful machine, the “old girl”, the center of stories, every wire, cushion, bolt, and her rumbling engine heart. He saw, for just a moment, a shining, round, silver...face? looking into his own. " ** _Well done"_** , he heard, a hearty congratulations in a voice he didn’t know, just as he felt the ship’s “feet” touch the grass. It wasn’t nearly as delicate as his father’s landing. It wouldn’t be, would it? He felt the jar of that landing in every tooth. He threw out an arm in front of his dad so he wouldn’t hit the console. But they were home. And alive. He had a bad few seconds until he heard his father breathe and saw his chest move. Right. Alive. Time to get help.

 

…

 

Han heard a lot of different stories about their landing. Once he was up and about, he’d spoken (discreetly!) to more of the neighbors than he had in the entire rest of the time they’d lived here on Naboo. They’d all praised his son’s courage and congratulated him on having such a talented boy. A pilot, just like his father. It must be in the blood.

It must be, he thought. Ben had a lot of pilots in his ancestry. Good ones, too. He thought for a second about their neighbor to the west. He’d been very agitated, complaining that the Falcon had scared his motts. But he’d said something else. He’d sworn that when the ship landed, the engines had been shut down. That was ridiculous. Wasn’t it? That mott-herder was a crackpot. Ben was just a quick study. He was just his father’s son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's wonderful to discover how shockingly competent, occasionally vulnerable, very much like us, and extremely infuriating sons can be. For both parents. Sons, on the other hand, are capable of seeing their fathers as simultaneously badasses and idiots. And their mothers as the best and worst thing about their lives.
> 
> I have loved the idea of a ship as a person since the first time I picked up The Ship Who Sang, so the idea that the Falcon is really this wonderfully cranky but affectionate person is enchanting for me.


	4. Searching...Within:  A Solo Effort, Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is making progress with his skills. He knows that. But sometimes you just don't feel like it. Practicing is hard, even if you want to learn. And even if you think it's in your best interests. Often you just want to escape. To do something you look forward to doing. To go and see a friend. Parents, children, everyone feels like this sometimes.
> 
> For Ben, his escape is in his dreams.

_You must look inside yourself. Strengthen your skills. Nothing can harm you unless you allow it._

The thoughts hammered against Ben’s mind. They were happening more often now. It was late and he was supposed to be going to sleep, but that didn’t seem to matter. _If you wish to be able to repeat your success in landing the ship, you will need practice. There are dangers everywhere. You must be ready. Now, while you have the cover of darkness._

He knew about danger. Hadn’t he just helped foil a plot against his mother? His father had been injured in the process. They could have both died, really. But he didn’t *want* to listen to the voice today. He thought about telling Mom and Dad about it.

_They will send you away to be questioned, suspected, restricted. You will not be allowed free exercise of your skills. They do not understand. They have never had power like yours._

That was true. Neither of them knew anything about the kind of thing he could do. And Mom had hit the roof when she found out what really happened on his trip with Dad. Never mind that she still didn’t know half of it. Dad didn’t even know all of it. At least Ben didn’t think so. He had caught Han studying him out of the corner of his eye once or twice and looking unusually thoughtful. What if they did send him to Uncle Luke? There would be rules. He wouldn’t be allowed to figure this thing out on his own, to test the limits of what he could do.  But he just didn’t feel like practicing out in the dark, no matter what that voice suggested. It was a cold, wet, nasty night outside and it wasn’t like he was going to move things around in the house. That really *would* get him sent to the the other side of the galaxy. He didn’t feel like doing anything, really. He just wanted to sleep and dream of somewhere warm. He pulled the covers over his head and ignored the voice until it was like a buzzing in the corner of his head, just background noise, and he really was asleep.

…

Rey was going WITH Papa. This was VERY exciting. They were going to look for shiny things together. So Mama could sleep. Papa found all kinds of important, shiny things and now Rey would find them too. She didn’t mind that it was VERY hot and it was a VERY long way. She was a brave girl and she would help Papa find the best things. And they were going to go in a speeder. Papa had always said that speeders were only for when you were big. She must be getting big.

Rey knew she had to be very, very good. She only asked Papa the most important questions. “How long until we find the shiny things?” “Can I help?” “What does this button do?” She was the most quiet so Papa could fly. He knew her questions were important, so he answered her “Soon.” “You can help. Here, hold my bag.” “Don’t touch that, it opens the engine!” Oops.

The speeder wasn’t feeling very well. It stopped a lot. Papa would get out and open parts of the speeder and make noises with his tools. He said some words that Rey knew she wasn’t supposed to hear. When he got back in, he didn’t like questions. She tried to keep all the questions inside so Papa could feel happier and think about important things.

It was a very long time before they stopped. She had looked at everything. She made sure Papa knew about all the interesting things. “Papa, look! A Luggabeast. Hello!” She waved at the Luggabeast. She wasn’t really sure if it could see her. But it was nice to be friendly. “Papa, papa, look! That funny bloggin is running around in circles. Did we scare him?” Papa said bloggins were always scared because they were too dumb to remember what scared them last time. Papa knew about lots of things. But his eyebrows went down. That meant she should stop talking. Papa had very important things to do.

…

 

Ben smiled. Boy, could that little girl talk. Rey. Her name was Rey. He was beginning to look forward to these dreams. She was funny. And she never seemed scared or worried about what he could do. Of course, she could do it too, he guessed. He still wasn’t sure what a ship lady was, but she’d been a big help getting the Falcon home. He had no idea how she’d done it. He could only find her in his sleep.

So that was her papa. He didn’t seem very interested in her. But then, he had a lot of work keeping that speeder going. That thing was a piece of junk. It looked like it had been salvaged from salvage. Ben was amazed that it hadn’t completely broken down. But somehow Rey’s dad kept it going, stopping to work on it whenever it let loose a grinding noise or a belch of smoke. Ben eyed him critically. He’d be better at it if he didn’t keep dropping his tools. His hands were kind of shaky. And he squinted a lot, like the sunlight hurt. It was pretty bright on Jakku.

…

Papa had found some SHIP. It wasn’t a whole ship. Not like that funny ship lady. She was beautiful, even if she broke sometimes. These were just pieces. BIG pieces. Papa stopped the landspeeder in the shade of a big piece.

“Stay close. C’mon.”, he said. Of COURSE she would stay close. Papa would find the best things and this time Rey could say she helped. She followed extra close so she could see the important bits with Papa. Sometimes when he stopped, she bumped into him. Papa said she should maybe not follow quite as close.

After a while she Papa said she should go and look for things near the speeder and he said to STAY IN THE SHADE BY THE SPEEDER. Rey knew when Papa used that voice he meant LISTEN. She climbed into the speeder and drank some water, then looked as hard as she could for anything shiny or important or interesting or even different. But the shade place by the speeder was small and it was getting smaller and everything in it was very boring. But Papa had said this was her place to look and she was going to do A VERY GOOD JOB. So she kept looking, walking the piece of sand and making sure she touched every sparkle.

…

 

Ben was pretty sure you didn’t have to touch things with your nose to properly examine them. It was really funny, though. Rey would pick up anything that caught the sunlight (even shade wasn’t very shady on Jakku) and first she would bend down and peer at it from an inch away until she practically inhaled it. Then she would pick it up and bring it so close to her eyeball that she couldn’t possibly have seen it very well. She would frown thoughtfully, then return it to the sand. She wasn’t going to find anything here. Ben knew busy-work when he saw it. He’d had it from the educational droid often enough.

He noticed after a while, though, that the patch of shade was getting very small. The speeder was now baking in the sunlight, heat-shimmers dancing around its metal skin. And Rey, who was still intent on her “work”, was getting very sweaty and very red. That couldn’t be healthy. He wished he could give her some of the weather they were having. But the best that could be done in a place like this was to get under cover of shade.

“ ** _Hey. Rey!_** ”, he said. She jumped, flinging the piece of quartz she’d been investigating behind her, where it hit the speeder with a sharp “ting”.

“Ben? You are Ben. Are you here?” She looked behind her, then under the speeder.

“ ** _No, I’m dreaming again. I live far away, remember? Hey, you need to get in the shade. It’s too hot for you to be out in the sun._** “

She shook her head firmly. “Papa said to stay in the shade with the speeder. He used his LISTEN voice. That means it is very important to be a good girl. He said I should look here, in this shade.”

Ben was suddenly angry. She’d been left out here with nothing to do and now there was no shade. Somebody should be looking after her.

“ ** _I know. And you’re doing a great job. But look. The shade moved. You’re going to have to move too, if you’re going to stay in the shade like he said._** ” That was kind of sideways thinking. He hoped she’d understand.

She tilted her head, considering. “The shade is over there now?” She pointed at a low curve of metal with a narrow stripe of darkness beside it.

“ ** _Um, sure. The shade went over there. Go see what’s in that part._** ” It didn’t look like she could get in trouble over there, and you could see it from the speeder.

“Okay! Will you come with me? You can help me look.” She looked so hopeful.

“ ** _Sure. Yeah. I’m right behind you._** ” He “followed” her into the bit of shade. She started her investigations again, except this time every time she found something, she held it up in front of her and tried to show it to him too. He made a big deal out of the shiny rocks and uselessly small bits of metal she found, which seemed to make her happy. He liked making her smile.

“See? Look, Ben! Is this important?” He’d been looking at the metal shape that was responsible for the shade, trying to imagine what kind of machine it might have been before it ended up half-buried here in the desert. But her voice sounded kind of weird. He “turned” and saw...uh-oh. A pair of small legs were disappearing into what looked like just a piece of the shadow this thing was making. Oh, man.  He drifted closer and saw, as he hadn’t before, a hole, like a tunnel into the metal. It would have been much too small for him to use if he’d really been here, but dreams didn’t have to follow the rules. He thought about Rey and her cheerful curiosity, and was suddenly next to her on the inside of the metal shape. It was bigger than it looked. Most of it must be buried in the sand.

…

 

Rey had found a HOLE. It was just her size and it was dark and it went somewhere. So she told Ben so he could find it too and then she went exploring. She had to crawl. Parts of the hole were broken and made it smaller. She made herself extra small and crawled until the hole got bigger and then there was a PLACE.

She sneezed. It was dusty in here. There was the hole, and there were some big round things, and there was a wall. It might be a wall. It was kind of squashed and broken. But OH. There was a DOOR in it. And doors went to other places. Where did this one go? “Ben? Is a door a good thing to find?”. Where was that boy? She closed her eyes. There he was. His eyes had gotten big and he was looking at everything.

…

 

Wow. This was...wow. Rey really had found something important.

“ ** _Hey, yeah, I’m here. You found something really good. Next time wait for me, though._** ”

Ben looked from one part of the ship fragment to another. Because that’s what it was. This was a broken-off piece of something much bigger. Those round things over there? They were escape pods. Broken and useless, yes. But still very, very cool. One of them was missing. The squashed hole where it had once been was now just big enough for one very small person. From the outside it had looked like nothing at all.

From the inside...over there were the remains of an interior wall. And Rey was right. There was a door in it. It was warped and cracked, but it was definitely a door. Rey had gone straight over to it (when she got an idea in her head, she just went ahead and did it, didn’t she?) and was attempting to open it. He could tell just by looking at it that this wasn’t going to work. And she was getting frustrated.

“ ** _Rey, wait, look. There’s a hole here where the door’s bent. Is it big enough?_** ” Before he’d finished asking, she was wriggling through the gap between the twisted frame and the door itself.

Ben thought himself through the door by picturing Rey again. That was a handy trick. And heard a VOICE. It wasn’t his, or Rey’s. He “stepped” in front of her, hands outstretched, before he had time to think or register the words.

“ ** _Rey, stay *right there*. Let me see what it is. Please._** ”

He glanced behind him to see her looking confused. She opened her mouth to say something.

 ** _“Hey. Show me how quiet you can be. I bet you can be really quiet.”_** She nodded and crouched down on the floor.

“Durasteel. Metal alloy. Composition...zersium. Titanium. Carbon. Neutronium…”

The voice was coming from a...table? It was hard to tell with the beating this ship fragment had taken. He drifted closer. It used to be a table. Attached to it was a droid. Two round blue visual sensors, a square speaker below, and a protective cap for the processing unit made for a nervous-looking “face”. A tired and dusty-sounding voice continued listing chemical compositions. It looked like someone had modified the droid to be part of the table. This had been the tech station.

No weapons, and it didn’t look like it could leave the table. “ ** _It’s okay, come on over here. It’s a droid_**.” He beckoned, feeling silly when he realized she couldn’t see it.

“Hello, droid!” Rey chirped, hurrying over to the table. The droid swiveled sharply, its “eyes” refocusing.

“Fresh data. Something new! Analysis: Human. Female. Juvenile. Carbon. Oxygen. Nitrogen. Hydrogen. Calcium. Internal skeletal structure…” the creaky voice began. It stopped. “Sapience level: intelligent. Greetings are appropriate. Greetings.” It stopped again. If it were alive, it would have taken a deep breath, he thought.

Rey giggled. “You are funny. Can we be friends? What are all those words?” She tilted her head.

“This unit has begun chemical and structural analysis of proximate humanoid life form. All data is to be analyzed. Does this life form possess additional data?” Was it possible for a synthesized voice to sound...hungry?

“ ** _I think it’s telling you what you’re made of. Inside. Like...the way clouds are made of water._** ” He realized that probably wasn’t the best explanation for this planet. “ ** _Uh, the way sand is made of really small rocks. Like quartz, or other kinds of silica._** ”

Rey’s eyes widened. “He can tell what I found? He can tell if it’s important?” She clapped her hands and jumped up and down. He’d never actually seen someone do that before.

“ ** _Well, yeah. I guess he can._** ” He thought for a moment. “ ** _Can you ask him what model he is?_** ” He accepted her pronoun for the droid. The voice sounded vaguely male.

“Okay. What model?”, she said. Not exactly, but it would do.

“This unit was originally constructed as an analysis model JN-66, modified for ship’s system monitoring, analysis, and repair for vessel model CR-90. This unit requires data.” It sounded a little desperate. Wait...CR-90? That meant this nondescript piece of metal was part of a Corvette. Wow. A lot of those had gone down at the Battle of Jakku. He’d read about it in his history lessons.

Rey was already emptying her pockets of the bits she’d picked up outside. “Jayen, what is this?” She held up a palmful of sand.

“Analysis: silicon, trace amounts of granite, bezorite, and magnite. Bezorite and magnite traces not found in amounts significant enough to allow extraction. Common nomenclature: sand. Silicon-based sand is potentially useful in synthesis of construction materials concrete and glass and as an abrasive in sandblasting.” He paused hopefully, eyes expanding and contracting their focus, head oriented on Rey’s hand.

She looked delighted. “Good job, Jayen! You are right. That is sand. Sand can do things? Sand is important.” She put the handful of sand carefully back in her pocket.

“Completing analysis of proximate humanoid life form: moderately significant amounts of phosphorus, potassium, sulfur, sodium, chlorine, and magnesium. Trace amounts of boron, chromium, cobalt, copper, fluorine, iodine, iron, manganese, molybdenum, selenium, silicon, tin, vanadium, and zinc. All expected components of the basic humanoid life form, variant human.” He finished in a rush, sounding relieved.

“ ** _See, he’s telling you what things are part of you. Like carbon, or copper, or silicon._** ” Ben wished he had one of these things at home.

“Silicon? But he said silicon is sand. I am made of sand? Jayen, am I made of sand?” She brushed at her arm as though it might crumble.

There was a longer pause. “Please repeat the query. This unit does not understand.”

Rey looked confused. “ ** _He means ask him again. He doesn’t know what you mean._** ”

“Oh. Am I sand? If silicon is sand, and silicon is me, am I sand?” She held up a handful of sand again and pointed to herself.

Ben waited. This ought to be good. There was a slight grinding noise from somewhere inside the droid. And a muffled “Recalibrating…”

“Jayen?” Rey poked the droid hopefully.

“Silicon is the main component of the compound substance known as sand which was presented to this unit for analysis. Silicon is a trace element present in the chemical composition of humanoid life forms but does not comprise a significant portion of the overall elemental makeup. Juvenile. Adjusting vocabulary. You are not sand. Humans have only a small amount of silicon. Humans have more of other things. Sand has a large amount of silicon. Silicon is present in both but humans are not sand.”

Ben was impressed. Rey was delighted. She danced around the room, chanting “I am not sand and sand is not me because Jayen knows answers!” She closed her eyes, tilting her face toward Ben. “I like your laugh. You are happy when you laugh.”

“ ** _Um, thanks. Should you find some more stuff to ask Jayen?_** ” Now he was using her nickname. He guessed it worked as well as anything else for something to call the droid.

Her eyes popped open “Yes! I will ask him everything!”

She meant it. Rey proceeded to bring every single piece of debris she could find and Jayen dutifully explained the chemical makeup of each one (which was really interesting) and provided a simplified explanation for Rey. Some of her questions had never occurred to him. How DID luggabeasts see? He wasn’t sure the droid really had up-to-date information on that one, because he responded with a paragraph or two of general information on luggabeasts that Ben thought he remembered from one of his geographical and cultural guides when he’d been studying Jakku. But Rey seemed satisfied just to get an answer. It wasn’t hard to make her happy.

Entertained, he watched her run around for a while, making suggestions about the best things for Jayen to analyze next. After a while, though, he noticed that the light coming through the vents and fractures in the metal was changing. Uh-oh. He turned back to Rey, who was asking how to say hello like a droid while the JN-66 obliged, patiently repeating the series of clicks, beeps, and whistles.

…

Jayen knew EVERYthing. And Ben knew lots too! Sometimes they said the same words at the same time. That was funny. Rey wondered if she could stay here always and they could answer all the questions. Jayen taught her how to say “Greetings” in droid language. “Greetings” was fancy for “hello”. It was hard to make the beeps but she tried her very best.

“ ** _Rey, I think it’s getting late. You’d better go back out or your dad’s going to wonder where you are._** ” Ben sounded worried. He sounded worried a lot. She liked it better when he laughed.

“Okay. Bye, Jayen! Can I come and play with you again? Are you lonely?” She patted the bottom part of Jayen. It was all she could reach.

His nice blue eyes looked at her. “Fresh data is needed. This unit requires data for analysis. Adjusting. Please come again. This unit will answer.” He sounded lonely.

“I will come back and bring lots of things.” She practiced her “Greetings” again. “Next time you can show me how to say See you later.” She waved.

...

Ben followed Rey back out to the “tunnel” where the escape pod had been. She started crawling back the way she’d come. There was a problem. She got most of the way through the crushed-in tube that had once held the escape pod, the end of it was now covered by sand. Rey looked at the wall of sand blocking her exit and her eyes started to do that wobbly thing again. He remembered that. He’d better head it off before the crying started.

“ ** _Hey, woah, hang on. Let me go ahead and see how bad it is. Oh, no, stop, it’s not *bad*, I mean, let me find you a way out. Okay? Trust me._** ” It sounded good when his dad said it. “ ** _You close your eyes and count to ten, and I’ll be right back._** ”

She gulped and nodded. He drifted forward, which was very weird when he couldn’t see, and found that there was only about two hand’s lengths of sand covering the end of the hole. Okay. She could do this. They could do this.

…

 

Rey closed her eyes and saw Ben go through the sand. It looked like a LOT of sand. She liked Jayen, but he didn’t have anything to eat and she was hungry. She felt like she might cry, but Ben popped back out of the sand like he was trying to say Boo!. That made her smile.

“ ** _You’re okay. It’s not very much sand. All you have to do is dig a little and you’ll be right out. Follow my voice. You can do it. Over this way. Yep, just a little bit more. No, close your mouth! And your eyes. Okay, I can see you. Almost there._** ”

She pushed as hard as she could with the top of her head and felt hot air and sun on her face. She was out.

 ** _“There you are!”_** She saw him grin before she wiped the sand out of her eyes and opened them again.

…

Ben wiped his “face” with his “arm”...he still wasn’t sure how that worked. But he’d managed to get her back out to the speeder. Which was still out there cooking in the sun. This made him angry all over again. Somebody should really be looking out for this kid. It wasn’t easy from Naboo.

He drifted over to the larger structure her father had been searching and looked inside. It looked like he was on his way out, dragging a bag that clanked and thunked. Ben saw him leave the structure and head toward the speeder. _You could destroy what angers you. It would be easy._ Oh, no, not again. Not now. He felt himself leaving as he began to wake. Destroy? How? Besides, he was all Rey had here, even if he wasn’t much. And Ben wasn’t really here at all.

...

 

Rey crawled into the speeder. She was very, very tired. She drank some more water. It was warm and not very good. But it was wet. She leaned her head against the seat. Ouch! She pulled some of her robe over her head and wiggled in the seat until she was comfortable. She was asleep before her father reached her. She woke up a little when he started the engine; enough to tell him that she looked just like he said she should, and it was HOT but she followed the shade and there was a droid and a boy who wasn’t really here and she had showed them the sand and they said sand was important but she wasn’t made of sand. He told her she must have been dreaming; there were no droids or boys here, but he had found lots of things they could take home to Mama. She tried to tell him that the droid and the boy were REAL but she was so sleepy that she didn’t really say anything after that and then she was asleep and she really was dreaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being a parent and being a child is hard all around. Some days we're better at it than others. And we all have our issues that we hope won't keep us from being the people we'd like to be. We rely on friends to help us stop and take a breath.
> 
> On a side note, you have to wonder how Rey learned to speak droid. Or at least understand it. And the chemical composition of the human body really *is* fascinating.
> 
> All credit to Wookieepedia and @flypaper_brain for help with research. Thanks to an entry on Lindsey's corvette and another on the JN-66 analysis droid that must have been re-purposed, as apparently most things were for the ships at the Battle of Jakku.


	5. Learning...Alongside:  A Solo Effort, Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes no particular drama is required. Sometimes it's just nice to have a good day. Friends and family and laughter are part of learning how to human. I did wonder why Rey could speak Wookiee.
> 
> I love writing about the Falcon. Is she force-sensitive? Maybe, maybe not. One presumes if she were, all the Jedi aboard would have noticed at some point. To me she's a unique case, literally the ghost in the machine. Communication back to her has more to do with Rey's affinity for machines, I suspect. I imagine her watching over them. It occurred to me that it's like being a mother some days; you're yelling the right answer and nobody is listening; when they do, they think it's their idea. Occasionally a minor breakdown is required before they do what they were supposed to do all along.

Leia was packing again. She packed angry all the time now. Han wasn’t sure if she was angry at him or herself. He knew she didn’t want to leave Ben again. She was still worried. She was always worried. But hers was the kind of worry that only made Ben want to fight. Whether to prove his mother right or wrong, Han wasn’t sure. It killed him to watch the two of them; Leia so quick to find any fault, so determined that he would be *good*, would be right. She feared in him what was in her own past. And Ben, chafing against her attempts to set him on a path, angry when she corrected him, but resentful of anything that took her away. Quick to point out that she, too, had her faults.

Han had told Leia he’d be staying this time. Ben needed him, he said, and saw the slightest flinch in her eyes at the idea that it wasn’t her their son needed. He knew she was right, that it was important to help their son become a good man; and he knew that her methods would only make him angrier and more withdrawn. Most of their conversation about their son was unspoken now, especially on his part; and all of it was painful. She’d said the Republic needed Han. They both knew that wasn’t true. The Republic needed Leia, and she resented it while she loved it with all her heart. So she was packing angry. He’d confirmed the details of her travel plans, told her he’d do his best to keep it on-planet this time, and walked away.

…

Leia knew something was eating at Ben. She knew his temper like she knew her own; a flash-fire and the need to wound, to win. But in some ways he was a mystery to her. She thought if she had more time to really *look* at him, to say the right words, that she could guard him, armor him, keep him safe and make sure the world saw everything that made her proud. But The Republic was the future. It was everyone’s future and it would be selfish of her to only think of her son’s. So she would leave him again. He and Han would be fine together; they always were. Even after that disaster of a trip to Ord Mantell, she’d watched them talk and share things and wondered how it could be so effortless. Just hearing about that trip had been scary. He could have been killed. She came to a box of tea, smiling ruefully as she carefully added it to the luggage. It would have to be okay. She had a whole Republic waiting.

…

Ben could hear the fighting. Then the silence. The silence was worse. Sometimes it was about the Republic, sometimes about each other, and sometimes about him. He heard his father’s knock on the bedroom door.

“Ben? Your mother’s left on the shuttle. Chewie’s gonna be here soon. He’s coming to help me work on the Falcon, remember? If you want, you can come out and work on her with us, okay, kid? Chewie hasn’t seen you in a while, and we could use your help. Just meet us out in the back.” His father’s voice was soft. After a moment, Ben heard his footsteps retreating.

He didn’t know what he wanted. He wanted to listen to his father and Chewie tell the old stories, the ones he knew by heart and the ones he hadn’t heard yet. Not that he had any idea what Chewie was saying. He wanted to watch those two old friends, with so much history between them. He wanted to stay in his room and be angry at his mother. Always watching him so closely. Someone was always watching him. Even in his head. He wanted to learn more about the power he was beginning to know how to use. He wanted to sleep. He wanted to escape all of it and go where he was just that boy.

Rey appeared in his mind as though he’d conjured her. With her came a sense of heat, a drowsy, quiet afternoon, and an empty house. Drowsing himself, he could see her sitting alone on the floor of her home. They’d just left her there this time. Like inconvenient luggage. It made him burn inside.

She turned suddenly and put a hand to her cheek. As though she’d felt him burning. He concentrated on calm. “ ** _Rey?_** ”

“Ben!” She smiled. “You are here!” She clapped her hands. It was nice to have someone that was always just glad to see him. “Will you help me go and find something fun? It is very boring here.” She stood up and made to move toward the door.

He hoped her parents had at least remembered to lock the door. Anyone could get in here. Not that there seemed to be much of anybody on Jakku. And he didn’t want her to go wandering the desert again either. That had been scary. She could have been killed.

“ ** _Hey!_** ” he said. “ ** _You don’t want to go out there, do you? It’s gotta be blazing hot. I could tell you about what I’m doing instead. Or...maybe you could come with me?_** ” He wondered if they could manage that. He needed to find the right words to keep her safe. “ ** _My dad says we’re going to work on the Falcon again. And Chewie will be here too._** ”

She brightened and turned back “toward” him. “You are going to see the funny ship lady? I like her. She likes you. And what is a Chewie?” She crossed her arms. “You go back. I will go with you instead.”

He guessed he had his marching orders. He didn’t mind. It was funny watching her tell him what to do. He closed his eyes in the dream, concentrated on home…and just before he opened them again in his bedroom, he saw Rey standing by his desk, arms still crossed. This time she was tapping her foot, too. They’d switched places. He had no idea how she’d done it. How did you even...she seemed to understand this stuff as easily as breathing. He had to work at it. It didn’t seem fair.

“ ** _There you are. This is your home? Where you live with your papa and your mama?_** ”

Her voice was moving around the room. That was weird. He closed his eyes again. Oh. She was exploring his room. She poked a few things, which was useless since she couldn’t touch anything, then spotted his shelves. They were full of things his father had brought home from all over the galaxy. He always came home with something. Sometimes it was a little piece of local art, or a book. When Ben was little they had been toys. Some of the most recent ones were mechanical and electrical components or anatomical drawings of wildlife. There were a lot of them, he thought.

He sat up and dangled his legs off the side of the bed. “Um, yes, this is my house. Mom and Dad live here too, when they’re on-world, which isn’t that often. And this is my room. I sleep here, and study here.”

She turned around in a circle, arms wide. “ ** _All of this is for just you? There is more? You have so many nice things!_** ” Her eyes were wide. Huh. He hadn’t thought about it. He’d noticed there wasn’t much stuff in her house, but he’d never considered what she’d think about his. He opened his eyes again. His room was neat and orderly, but there was a lot of stuff. His parents made sure he was safe and had more than he needed, even if they hadn’t been around much. He knew she couldn’t say the same.

“Yeah, c’mon, I’ll show you some of the rest of it on the way out. Follow me.” He opened the door and walked slowly through the parts of the house that were on the way out to the back. With his eyes open he couldn’t see how she reacted, or even whether she was following him, so he just had to trust that she was there. They walked through the kitchen and the living room. When they got to the library he heard a soft “ ** _Oh!_** ”. His mother insisted that they have paper books. She was weird like that.

“ ** _These are all books? And they are different? Papa has a book about metal that helps tell him what is good to find. I saw it once and it had pictures of tools and parts._** ”

He looked around quickly to make sure nobody could see, not even a droid, then closed his eyes. She was staring up at the shelves. “Yeah, these are all books. Here, look.” He reached up and pulled out a book he hadn’t touched in a very long time. It was a picture-book of animals on Naboo. He remembered reading this with the droids. He opened it to the picture of Voorpaks and whispered the captions to Rey. He closed his eyes again and saw her tracing the furry little bodies with her small hands, her mouth open in wonder. He turned to the page on Shaaks, with their big round hindquarters and their young with the little round hindquarters, and was treated to a fair amount of giggling for his trouble. “This is a book of the creatures who live on Naboo. Here. This planet. I used to look at it when I was smaller, like you.”

“ ** _Did your mama and papa show it to you? Did you see all of these silly animals? Which one is your favorite? What is in all the other books?_** ” The questions came fast. Some of them were easier to answer than others. And he didn’t have much time. Someone might come in and see him talking to empty air.

“Mom and Dad were away a lot, so mostly I read it with the house droids. I’ve seen voorpaks and shaaks, yes. We went on a river tour not too long ago. Um, and there are books here about a lot of different things. Mostly the different worlds where Mom and Dad have been and their history. What was the last part? My favorite? I always liked twirrls. Their diving speed is amazing. They’re precision flyers...look, it says so right here.” He turned to the page on twirrls, its borders decorated with purple berries on vines. “They can see anything from far up in the sky, and they can fly anywhere. The mothers have three or four young that stay with them until they’re grown.” He closed the book. “Let’s go. They’ll be waiting for us.” He didn’t put the book back on the shelf, but instead left it lying on the table with the comfortable chair next to the reading lamp. He wasn’t sure why.

…

Rey was full of thoughts. Ben’s house was so pretty. And there were so many books! And all of the things in his room were very interesting. And...twirrls? were beautiful. Ben smiled when he looked at the pictures in the book of all the strange animals. But he looked sad too. Could you smile and be sad?

And then they went outside and it was green and wet and wonderful like she remembered. She wished she could touch the water. They went a little way and THERE SHE WAS. The ship lady. This was her outside and she was big and silvery and beautiful. And BIG. Ben smiled again when he saw her and it was not so sad this time.

The ramp was open and waiting for them. Ben started to go up and Rey could hear his papa’s voice, that nice man with the crooked smile that was a little like Ben’s. And then she heard a NOISE. It was like someone yelling down a hole while they were drinking water. It was like that, but it was not like anything. She put her hand on the ship lady while they were going in and she heard her...laughing? If the ship lady was laughing, it must be okay. But what…?

“ ** _Ben, what is that noise? The yelling water noise?_** ” He was still smiling, so it couldn’t be as scary as it sounded.

He grinned, and turned around at the top of the ramp. “Oh, that?” His voice was quiet. “Yelling water.” He laughed. It made his face happy. “That’s just Chewie. You’re going to love Chewie. Now, listen, they don’t know you’re here, so I can’t talk to you. They wouldn’t understand. I don’t even understand. And I don’t want anybody to send you away. So just...don’t worry if I don’t answer. I know you’re here. Okay?” He looked worried again.

“ ** _Okay. I wish they could hear me too. But if you need to be quiet, I will ask the ship lady to answer me. She likes to talk_**.” Rey patted the ship lady on her ramp. She said sometimes her boys, maybe all people, forgot how to listen when they grew up. That was a shame. And she said sometimes they remembered to listen but they thought it was their idea. That was silly.

Inside the ship lady, Ben’s papa was smiling too. He was waving a wrench and talking and making pictures in the air with his hands. And he was looking up at a...person? A BIG person who was TALL and covered in fur. The big person was holding a wrench too and the yelling water noise was coming from its mouth. There were lots of teeth. There was a lot of hair. Was this a Chewie? She put her hand on the ship lady again. She said Chewie was okay and he knew more about how she worked than almost anybody else. She said she had known him a very long time and Rey didn’t need to be afraid of him and he knew some VERY good jokes and he had more sense than any of the rest of them. Rey didn’t really understand that part but the ship lady seemed to think it was very funny. And if she said he was okay and Ben said he was okay then it must be true.

…

“Yeah, well, you shoved him in a barrel and shot him into space, Chewie. How did you think he’d feel?” His father was gesturing wildly with a wrench. Chewie said something that sounded complicated in response and waved a fur-covered arm. “NO, I don’t think he appreciated you making sure there was a homing beacon so they could find him. He was in a barrel! In space!” Han nearly brained himself with the same wrench trying to put his face in his hands.

What?, Ben thought. He’d never heard that one. They both turned as he got to the top of the ramp.

“Hey, kid, glad you could join us. My partner here thinks barrels are the solution to everything. Maybe you’ve got some better ideas.” Dad grinned at Chewie and patted the crate next to the one he was sitting on. Before Ben could sit, however, he was enveloped in a mass of brown fur. Oh. Okay. Wookiee hugs were a little alarming. Chewie pushed him back to arms’ length, took a good long look, and said...something. Han’s eyebrows drew together.

“Hey! What do you mean it’s a good thing he looks like his mother? I’m sitting right here!” Then they were both laughing.

“ ** _Ben, is this a Chewie? The ship lady says he is and he has more sense than the rest of you. Does sense mean hair?_** ” It’s a good thing his dad and Chewie were already laughing, because otherwise it would have been weird when he started. “ ** _Now she is laughing too. Why is that funny?_** ”

Once he’d stopped laughing, he sat down on the crate. “Um, hi, Chewie. It’s good to see you again. How can I help, Dad?”

His father pointed down the access hallway. “Why don’t you find yourself a wrench, too, and you can help us convince this bucket of bolts she needs to straighten up and fly right?” The smile didn’t match the words, as Han laid his hand on the nearest access panel.

“Got it”, Ben said. He spoke very softly as he went to look for the rest of the tools. “Yeah, that’s Chewie. He’s a Wookiee. They’re supposed to have all that hair. And sense means he knows what to do, I guess. Dad says Chewie’s saved his life more times than he can count. Then he usually laughs and says Chewie tells him that’s not that high a number. But remember, I can’t always answer you here.” He found the wrench he was looking for, grabbed a few other odds and ends, then gave up and picked up the whole toolbox.

“ ** _The ship lady says your papa is rude, but he loves her. I like Chewie. He makes your papa laugh. How do you know what he is saying? Is the noise words?_** ” She gave her best imitation of a Wookiee bellow. He closed his eyes and saw her standing there with her hands on her hips, her face twisting as she yelled. It made him laugh all over again. It was pretty good, actually.

“The noise is him talking. I don’t know what he’s saying. But Dad does. He understands Wookiee language.” He stopped near the next doorway. “Now I have to be quiet again.”

“ ** _I want to learn Wookiee talking so I can know what Chewie is saying too._** ”

So Ben found himself asking for language lessons. Wookiee faces were hard to read, but his dad looked surprised and pleased and said Chewie was happy to help teach him. They went through the basics, like “Hello” and “Goodbye” and “What are you DOING” and “Don’t touch that!”. Wookiee basics were evidently a little different than most languages. He attempted a few words, which made everyone laugh, including him; and he was embarrassed to discover that Rey was a whole lot better at it than he was. She said the ship lady was helping her. Ben still didn’t know if he believed there was a ship lady, but Rey did, and he didn’t see any reason to argue. This was turning into one of the best afternoons he could remember.

Rey was full of questions. She always was. He couldn’t answer most of them without giving her away, but that didn’t seem to bother her. He asked some of them on her behalf. They were good questions. His dad seemed to be happy he was interested in learning about Kashyyyk (which he was, when he thought about it) and some more of the Falcon’s history.

They were working on the outside of the Falcon when Rey said “ ** _Her skin is very hard. She says it keeps you all safe because it used to be another ship and your papa stole its outside and gave it to her, like a blanket._** ”

“Wait, you stole the hull armor from another ship? It must have been a good one, or we’d’ve never come back with Mom’s tea.”

 

His father eyed him sharply. “Salvaged, not stole. We salvaged it from an Imperial cruiser. Good eye, kid. How’d you know it wasn’t original? You studying schematics again?”

“Um, yeah. I checked out her original specs some more after our trip.” Oops, that was close. He’d get himself in trouble if he wasn’t careful. And there might be something to this ship lady thing. How in the world would Rey know that if there wasn’t?

 _You must learn to guard your tongue. And your secrets._ Oh, no. No, no, no. The last thing he needed was someone else in his head right now. He was juggling too many things already.

“ ** _Ben? Are you all right?_** ” he heard at the same time his father said “You okay kid? You look a little pale all of a sudden.” Damn it.

“Yeah, I’m fine, Dad. It just...I was thinking about when you got hurt for a second.” And as he said it, it was true. He remembered the last time he’d worked on the Falcon with Dad, and how gray and still he’d been when they landed. He *felt* pale.

“Oh hell, kid, I’m sorry. That whole trip was a bad idea. You should never have had to deal with all that. But you did a hell of a job getting us home.” He clapped Ben on the shoulder. Chewie cut in with what was obviously a question. “Yeah, well, you’ve been busy. I did forget to tell you about that one. Okay, so…” Han launched into the story of their flight to Ord Mantell. Ben was thankful for a moment to get himself in order. He had to do better than this. He had to.

“ ** _Don’t be scared. Your papa looks much better now. The ship lady says he is tough, like an old boot. She was worried then too. But she was proud of you._** ” Oh, that was playing dirty. The SHIP was proud of him?

He took a deep breath. _Center yourself. Calm your thoughts. You are in control. You must always be in control._ This time he was grateful for the directions, the constant instruction on how to handle his inner life. He took a few deep breaths. His father was just finishing the story.

“Yeah, he landed the damn thing himself. No idea how he did it. It must’ve been a sight. But he shouldn’t have had to do it. I knew Ord Mantell was a hole.” He turned to Ben. “You shouldn’t have been there.”

Ben shook his head. “No, Dad, I liked the trip. And it was my fault we had to run. If I’d kept my mouth shut…”

Han interrupted. “No, son. You probably saved your mother’s life, among others. And mine.” A soft sound from Chewie. “Chewie says thanks, kid. All right, back to work. So far it’s been a lot of jawing and not much fixing.” And with that, they were back to business as usual. They finished working on the exterior and headed back inside the Falcon.

“ ** _You are all right?_** ” He took the risk of closing his eyes. Rey was hovering anxiously beside him. “ ** _I scared you? I am not helping?_** ” Her lip was trembling a little.

He turned his face away from Dad and Chewie, mouthed “I’m okay” and smiled at her. He was relieved when she brightened. He opened his eyes and kept working on the relay in front of him.

“ ** _You *are* all right. Good. I know how to say “thank you” in Wookie talk now. Listen_**.” She did a pretty good job of reproducing that one. He thought. It was really loud, though. He stifled a laugh, turning it into a cough. “ ** _The ship lady says you are working on the wrong relays. She says there is nothing wrong with those. She says it is not the...what? Not the high-space integrator. You need to fix the warp tex tabilizer. I did TOO say it right! Fine. Warp. VOOR-tex. STAY-bill-eyes. Err. You are very cranky. Do you need a nap? You don’t nap? That is very sad._** ”

Ben worked very hard on controlling his face. He gave up. Apparently the Millennium Falcon was a cranky old lady. There was NO WAY Rey knew any of those words. And honestly, with her history, she WOULD be cranky. It was just very frustrating that he couldn’t sense any life in the ship. He just...she was a machine. Wait. Right. The warp vortex stabilizer, not the hyperspace integrator. They were working on the wrong part of the hyperdrive. He pictured the old blueprints. But they’d done so many upgrades and made so many modifications. Nothing was in the right place any more. It did make sense, though.

“Hey, Dad?” He tapped his father on the shoulder. He and Chewie were arguing about which part of the relay to repair and whether a multiphase or sonic wrench would work better.

“What?! Uni-wrenches are for droids, hairball! Yeah, I know part of her is from a droid, but that’s not the part we’re working on! Hang on, you can be wrong in a minute. Yeah, son?” Chewie protested. Ben could figure out what he’d said, since his father whipped around and said “No, YOU’RE a moof-milker!” He was sort of glad he could laugh openly at this one.

“ ** _Are they angry with each other? They are very rude. Oh. The ship lady says they always talk like that. She says “hairball” and “moof-milker” really mean “You are my friend”, but that is not what that means. Why don’t they just say “you are my friend”? What is a macho pirate?_** ” That made Ben snort. The “ship-lady” seemed to have this question covered.

He hesitated for a minute. This was ridiculous. He was about to produce an idea he’d had after a “conversation” with a little girl who wasn’t really here and a mostly imaginary ship...woman. Oh well. Nothing to it but to do it. “Dad.” He tapped his father on the shoulder again.

“Yeah, Ben. Sorry. Did you need something?” Han turned around.

“I think maybe the problem isn’t in the hyperspace integrator. Does the warp vortex stabilizer run on the same relay? The one through here?” He waved in the general direction that the connections were running.

Han cocked his head at Chewie. “Didn’t we have to rig a bypass when she got dented after Yavin 4?” Chewie nodded. “Yeah, I thought so. We patched into another relay on the other side. So you think it’s the stabilizer? Hey, you could be right, kid. Let’s go.” They trooped over to the row of access panels on the other side. A few minutes checking the relays on this side proved him right. After that, it was easy. They tinkered with the relays until they got everything humming again. Rey provided advice and commentary; from the sound of it, she was looking right over his left shoulder. He had a few near-misses keeping a straight face, especially when they had to use a drill and she asked if Chewie’s hair had ever got caught in one of those. It was a good thing his dad and Chewie were pretty funny together, too.

He thought again that this was turning into one of the best days he’d ever had. Stories and jokes flew between Han and Chewie as naturally as breathing. Rey’s questions flew just as fast. They ranged from “ ** _Ben, why don’t Wookiees wear any clothes?”_** (he had no idea and he wasn’t about to ask) to “ ** _Why does your papa think engine tape can fix anything?_** ” (he was pretty sure that question was actually from the ship lady; oh boy, now he was doing it too), to which his father’s answer to his careful rewording was “Because there’s no such thing as a permanent solution, kid.” Huh. That was an interesting philosophy. He wasn’t sure he agreed.

It turned out he was having a shockingly good time. Every modification to the ship came with a story, from the flotation pontoons “Hey, any landing you can swim away from, right?” to the hologram comms “Yeah, I know, if Leia hadn’t gotten worried about the hologram failing, we’d’ve never come back from Irudiru”. He got to tell Chewie that he’d actually met a Mantellian Savrip and that it had spoken Basic; part of his own Falcon story. They tried a game of dejarik (his dad looked a little alarmed at the prospect), but it ended just fine. That might’ve been because Chewie beat him soundly, which might’ve had something to do with his moves being dictated by Rey, who had no idea what any of the pieces did. “ ** _Make the big one do something interesting!_** ” wasn’t exactly a strong strategy. But it was funnier that way. His dad looked a little skeptical, like he remembered exactly how much Ben knew about dejarik, but he just smiled and shook his head.

It was starting to get dark outside when Rey suddenly said “ ** _Papa?_** ”. Oh. Her father must finally be home. Good thing they’d noticed they had a kid again. “ ** _Ben, Papa is opening the door. I have to go away. Goodbye. I think a Chewie is a good friend to have and it was fun to be with you and your papa and the ship lady. Goodbye._** ” And that was that. There was an empty place where she’d been a moment before. The ship’s interior lights flickered. THAT was interesting. His father swore, and he and Chewie went off to hunt down some spare wiring.

Ok, all in. He put his hands on the console. He still didn’t feel anything, but Rey did, and that was good enough. He tried to send the thought outside his head as best he could. _Thanks for helping. Don’t worry. She’ll be back again sometime. I hope._ He had no idea whether it worked or Dad and Chewie managed some electrical wizardry, but the lights came back to full strength.

Once they’d finished the repairs, they sat down to a meal together. Ben was ravenous. Repairing the Falcon while juggling conversations was hard work. Dad bragged about Ben’s studies; his zoology and calligraphy, how much he’d learned about shipboard operations, mathematics, tactics...it was embarrassing. He thought he caught a few sympathetic looks from Chewie. He asked Chewie to tell him the words for simple things in the house, and tried (it was a hopeless task) to write them down so he could tell Rey later. Then he slapped himself in the forehead and got out a recorder. He still wrote them down, though. He liked the challenge.

It was a meal that lasted most of the night, between the language lessons, the food, the jokes, and even more stories. Those couldn’t possibly all be real. By the end of dinner, he found himself falling asleep at the table. Dad and Chewie had a good laugh at that. “Yeah, I remember. At your age it’s all eat, sleep, and get into trouble. Go ahead and go to bed, kid. We’ve got to talk some business anyway.” His dad waved a hand at him. He excused himself and stumbled down the hall to his room.

He was just on the point of falling asleep when he heard the whisper.

“ ** _Ben? I came back to tell you something I forgot_**.” She was standing by his desk. He got up and sat in the desk chair. “ ** _The ship lady said she wanted to give you something. She wanted me to give it to you because she couldn’t._** ” She reached out to touch his hand. His mind was suddenly flooded with images. He barely noticed getting back into bed, or Rey retreating from his thoughts again.

The pictures seemed to be visible from all angles at once, which shouldn’t technically be possible. They were also somehow flat and...metallic? They started to play, like a hologram recording. There was no sound. He saw his father, much younger, at the controls of the Falcon. His mother was laughing in the co-pilot’s seat. And held in the crook of his father’s arm was...himself. A tiny, dark-haired thing, arms waving in the air, eyes trying to look at everything at once. Images continued to play. They weren’t very long, and there weren’t very many of them. Himself, very small, walking a few steps and catching himself on the landing gear as he sat down. Himself, about the age Rey was now, running up the ramp and tugging on his mother’s skirt. There was a long gap where there weren’t many pictures, though, which matched his memories of Mom and Dad always being gone on some Republic business. There were a few. His father, walking down the ramp, always with something in his hand for Ben’s room. His mother, always with a stack of books in her arms. Most of them were in the library now. They’d never stayed for long. The trip to Ord Mantell. It was very odd to see himself from what looked like the point of view of the co-pilot’s console. Today, joking and laughing with Dad and Chewie. And back to himself as a baby again. His parents were walking down the ramp arm in arm, smiling at each other, then back down at him. That was the last image he saw as he truly fell asleep. That was the one that stayed with him as he smiled, not even noticing that his cheeks were wet.

…

Rey smiled, back in her blankets in Jakku. She had peeked before she gave it to him. It was a very nice present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All credit to The Wildlife of Star Wars by Terryl Whitlatch and Bob Carrau, a battered, beloved copy of which I had next to me. Thanks to Wookieepedia again, to flypaper_brain for editing, formatting, fact-checking and friendship, to boys becoming good men without nearly as much help as we think they need, and to dads.


	6. Hiding...Observed:  A Solo Effort, Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's really, really hard to keep a determined small person from doing what they're going to do. Especially when you're not really there. And when she's used to being considerably more independent than she should ever have had to be.
> 
> As their shared experiences continue, Ben and Rey are learning how to work together. Each of them is learning how this Force bond thing works, even if they're not sure what it is. Separately, they're handling their own issues of survival and standing up for others, and anger management and outside interference. But mostly both of them badly needed a friend.

Papa was in the tavern. Papa liked the tavern. Sometimes Rey did too, like when there was music or once when Papa had danced and held Rey up to dance with him and with Mama and she had felt like she was flying. But today the tavern wasn’t very fun. It was daytime and there were no stars overhead and it was hot and there was no music and Papa was dicing with other big men and wanted Rey to sit quietly and that was NO FUN AT ALL.

So Rey went exploring. First she explored the porch. It wasn’t very big. There was a rocking chair and that was fun for a while. Then she explored the speeder. She didn’t know how to make it go, though. And it didn’t seem to like when she pushed the buttons. It made a few noises and she thought if the noises got louder Papa might be mad. So she rearranged the bundles of food and water and tools in the back as best she could and made a cave she could hide in when they went to look for all of the important bits.

But when the cave was done, the speeder wasn’t very interesting any more and it was hot. She took her part of the water and a little dried food and stuck them in her pockets. Explorers needed food and water. She heard cheering and yelling from inside the tavern and Papa’s voice was making the happiest sounds. He must be doing a good job.

She heard a noise. OO. There was a Luggabeast. It was BIG. It had all sorts of bundles and boxes on its back. It made interesting creaking and whirring noises and its feet made boom noises on the hard ground near the tavern. She crept up close. The Teedo on its back made it lie down and got off and went in the Tavern. She heard it say something. Then she heard Papa’s voice through the window. “The western edge of the Sinking Fields? Yeah, well, I might head out that way too. Found some good stuff out there. We’ll see. No, you don’t own that territory. Nobody does. Yeah? Then you can take it up with Constable Zuvio. Good luck. Hey there! Another. A double this time.” Teedo said something else. “No, watch YOUR back. Any droids out there are fair game. Anyone who finds one can sell it.”

Rey wasn’t sure what any of that meant. But Teedo and his Luggabeast were going to Sinking Fields? That was where Jayen lived. On the west part. That’s where Papa told Mama they had been after they found him. And if Teedo found him they would SELL him. They would SELL her FRIEND. She looked at the Luggabeast. There were some big boxes on there. A very small very brave girl could get in one of those boxes. But she wasn’t sure how to get in there. The Luggabeast was very tall and Rey was not very tall. She HAD to get in there. Papa might be mad. Maybe he wouldn’t notice. Sometimes he stayed in the tavern for a long time. She didn’t really know what to do, but she HAD to go and keep her friend safe. They were going to sell JAYEN. Her whole self was made of afraid.

…

Ben was afraid. Nope, no, he wasn’t. He was perfectly fine, studying in his room. It was almost time for bed. So who WAS afraid? REY. Why? He walked over to the bed, lay down, and closed his eyes. This better work. He focused on the fear and let himself feel it as though it were his own. He slowed his breathing, controlled it as his teacher had shown him. _Feel the fear._ Feel the anger that she was afraid. _Fear and anger can always lead you where you must go._ And he opened his eyes on Jakku, squinting in the desert light. Rey. Where was Rey? Who had made her afraid? _They must pay._ He *shoved* those thoughts back to the corner they always came from. He hadn’t meant to let anyone else see this. So they wouldn’t. Not even his teacher. This was about Rey.

Okay. There was a building. From the sounds, it was a bar. There was a porch. Nobody was afraid in there. Focus on the fear. THERE she was. Behind the...woah, that thing was big. A Luggabeast. He remembered she’d waved to one before. She wanted to know if it could see. He was betting it could, given that both its...eyes? Optics? Sensors? Were trying to roll back to see behind it. He drifted closer to Rey.

“ ** _Hey. Rey, it’s me. Don’t say anything. Or just whisper real low. There are people around. No, hey, calm down. What’s the matter?_** ” She was practically dancing around in a circle. He put his “hand” on her shoulder. And heard a thought.

“ _They’re going to SELL Jayen. Teedo is going to find him and SELL him and I have to STOP him so I have to get IN the boxes and bags and I have to GO…_ ” Woof. Her thoughts were going around in circles too.

“ ** _Okay, hey, hey, all right, I’ll help you, of COURSE I will. But won’t the Luggabeast know you’re here?_** ” He didn’t figure Teedo (whoever that was) would appreciate finding a little girl in his luggage. And he knew, from things his parents hadn’t meant him to hear, that there were places where they SOLD people. If somebody tried that with Rey, well...he wasn’t sure what he might do.

She tilted her head, considering. “You will help me.” It was a loud whisper. Really loud. But she was trying. And the bar was pretty loud (really? It was the middle of the day!), so they weren’t in any danger of being overheard right now. “You said things to a gnaw-jaw and you said things to Happa. When you brought her to save me from the HOLE. You can do it. I know you can.” She closed her eyes and turned a trusting face in his direction. Oh, wow. No pressure at all.

“ ** _Okay. Let me try_**.” He placed his “hand” on the Luggabeast’s...flank? Shoulder? He picked a spot where there was no metal. Oh, man. This was weird. This thing had weirder thoughts than a gnaw-jaw. Those had just been simple, instinctive, sensations and drives. And a little alien. But these? There was a...buzzing, a kind of jangling, like somebody was trying to etch thoughts into a bell with a drill. But underneath were some parts he could sort of understand.  < _See-find.  Small-young? Tell-alarm?  See-find_. >  Uh-oh. He was pretty sure it was trying to decide whether to tell somebody she was here. Maybe it couldn’t see behind it very well? Taking no action is an action in itself. That was in one of Mom’s books. Here goes.

He had to kind of squash his thoughts into the right shape. That was HARD. He couldn’t convey anything but the simplest of concepts. **_< Small-young.  Help-hide. Guard-conceal.  Small-young.>  _**Had it worked? Well...he tried a **_<?-!-? >_**. It wasn’t even words.

 

There was a long, tense pause. Rey was still vibrating in place. Her whisper was getting louder. “Ben? BEN.”

“ ** _Hang on a minute. I’m working on it. Don’t say anything. Remember how quiet you can be? You’re really good at it._** ” He heard something...spinning? Inside the great head.

 _< Small-young.  Help-hide. Tell-not.  Help-hide.>  _YES. He’d done it. Maybe. Probably. He hoped.

The huge beast turned a bit, swiveling one...it really was a sensor. Swiveling one sensor to point directly at Rey. It turned its back end in her direction and levered itself slowly to the ground. There was some creaking, but it wasn’t too loud. Rey immediately scrambled up the pile of boxes and bags. Some of them were full. He watched as she opened some of them and looked inside. But if you were going scavenging for droids and ship parts, you had to have some...there. Empty boxes. There was a...wicker chest sort of thing that didn’t seem to have anything in it and was just the right size. In fact, it had a kind of foam in the bottom, he guessed to keep the bits and pieces from getting any more broken on the trip back. Perfect.

“ ** _That one. Get in. You’re sure you shouldn’t just go home?_** ” She shook her head stubbornly and set her small jaw. “ _ **Okay, you win. I just don’t want you to get hurt.**_ " She was looking distinctly mutinous. “ ** _Then you have to listen to me. I’m going to be going along with you. Can you fit your hand out of the hole on the side where the handle is?_** ” Little fingers appeared. “ _ **Good. You don’t have to talk. If I touch your hand I can hear you. I should’ve figured that out before.**_ ” He was disgusted with himself for being so stupid. He reached out and touched her hand.

“ _You are hearing me? You can find my words? I will hide and shut the lid and Teedo will not find me and I will go and find Jayen and then Teedo will not find him and sell him and it will be okay?_ ”

This was a *supremely* bad idea. But if he didn’t get on board with this idea, she’d probably just take off into the desert. There was really no winning here. “ ** _Slow down. Yes. I can hear you. I’ll be with you all the way. I think the Luggabeast will help. But look, if this doesn’t work, you have to get down and run. Promise me. No matter what._** ”

…

She closed her eyes. He had his worried face on again. She stretched a little hole in the basket-thing so she could see him and have her fingers sticking out. “ _Okay. I promise. If you say so I get down and run away. Lugga is helping? You will stay with me?_ ” His worried face got a little less worried. It even smiled a little bit.

“ ** _Lugga. You have a theme going on._** ” He laughed. Better. “ ** _Close the lid! I hear someone coming_**.” Back to worried. She made him worry a lot. Rey closed the lid on top of herself. She put her eye to the hole she made. The tavern door WAS opening. She could hear Teedo saying something back to people inside. She didn’t know what. She couldn’t see Ben. Oh. Wait. She closed her eyes while looking out of the hole, which was VERY strange. There he was. He was looking at Teedo opening the door. He looked scared. HEY. Everything was moving. What was happening? Oh. Lugga was just standing up.

...

“ ** _Rey? He’s coming out. You have to be EXTRA quiet for this part and DON’T MOVE._** ” He touched the Luggabeast again. **_< Help-hide small-young.   Guard-conceal no-tell.>  _**He’d done his best. He watched...Teedo, he guessed? It was a shortish shape covered in bandages, with a sort of helmet thing. He could only really see the top of its head and some toes. It looked like it might be reptilian. It walked over to the Luggabeast and started making preparations to leave. This was it. The Luggabeast swung its back end around as Teedo tried to check the straps. It danced its feet in place a bit. Some weird whirring noises came from inside the big metal head. Teedo abandoned his examination of the load and went up to the front end. He started tinkering with the head. The Luggabeast stopped dancing in place, the whirring noise subsided, and it settled down, apparently docile again. Teedo made a satisfied noise and mounted up behind the head, load check evidently forgotten. And just like that, they were on their way. This was a really, really terrible idea.

Rey’s little fingers were sticking out of the hole in the basket. And he could see an...eye? Yep, a closed eye against a hole in the basket. He reached out to touch the tips of her fingers. “ _You DID it. I knew you would do it because you know lots of things. You will help me find Jayen. How will we do that?_ ”

That was a very good question. How would Teedo even find Jayen? And how could they stop him from finding the droid? “ ** _Do you know how Teedo would find Jayen? And who is Teedo? Do you know him? If you know him, why are you hiding?_** ” This was *really* confusing. “ _ **Remember. Don’t talk. Just think.**_ ”

“ _Papa says Luggabeasts can find things. He says it’s NOT FAIR. All Teedos are Teedo. They are all the same and Papa says they all know each other and they...think the same? I am hiding because Teedo would be SO MAD if he sees me and he has a big shocking-thing._ ”

He had a WHAT? “ _ **Hang on a minute. I’ll be right back.**_ ” He drifted around the Luggabeast. Oh HELL. There was a...spear? Hanging on the other side of the Luggabeast. It had some sort of battery, and he wasn’t really sure what it was meant to do, but it looked really, really ugly. And Rey had said shocking. This was just getting better and better. He thought about what could happen if Teedo discovered his stowaway and used...there was a sizzling noise from one of the strap buckles. Damn it. Breathe. Center. Calm. Teedo looked behind it, puzzled, but shrugged when the sound did not repeat itself. Breathe. Center. Calm.

…

Rey felt Ben touch her fingers again. “ ** _You should have told me he had a weapon._** ” He looked angry. She did NOT like his angry face.

“ _But Teedos ALWAYS have that stick. Papa says always have a weapon. Not me. I am not big enough yet. That makes you angry? You are angry at me?_ ” She needed better words. If she had better words she could say things better and he would not be angry or worried all the time. Wait. There were lots of words in Ben’s head. She would borrow some so she could use them. She didn’t have to look very hard. He kept all his words right in front. He wouldn’t mind. And maybe he would smile again. That angry face made her feel wobbly.  
…

Oh. This way he could actually FEEL that she was about to cry. He was scaring her. Damn. He made an extra effort. Breathe. Center. Calm. “ ** _I am not angry with you. I was...you said he had a weapon and that made me scared that you might get hurt. Being scared made me angry. Okay?_** ”

“ _Okay. But why? Why does being scared make you angry?_ ” Well, that was a tough question.

“ ** _It...it makes me angry at Teedo because he might hurt you. And it makes me angry at me because I should be able to help more. But it’s okay. You’ll just be super quiet and he’ll never know you were here. Listen, you said Lugga could find droids. But how would he do it? Can you...you talked to the ship, right? The Falcon? What happens if you touch the Luggabeast?_** ” He had no idea whether this would work. It was partly a machine. That’s what it looked like--and felt like inside the beast’s thoughts.

“ _I will try. This basket is full of spaces. There. There is a space and some Luggabeast hide. Wait. You are both talking at once. It is too loud. Let go._ ”

He waited for what seemed like a long time. Then he saw the small hand again.

“ _Lugga does not...he is not like the ship-lady. She has people thoughts. He is like an engine. More like Papa’s speeder. He has a piece inside that points like a finger. That part is waiting for a droid so it can point at it and make a noise. I can hear that part. Or see it._ ” She sounded confused. No wonder. He was confused. “ _But there is another part, like the sound of snorting and stomping, that makes the pointing part hard to hear. I don’t know the right words._ ” He wasn’t so sure. She was starting to use more and bigger words. Was it because she was thinking? He didn’t remember what it was like inside his head when he was her age. But she was starting to sound a bit like him. That was a little strange.

“ ** _That’s weird. But it makes sense. I can hear an animal, sort of, like the gnaw-jaw. But there’s this buzzing, jangling noise. Like tools, and it makes it hard to give the thoughts the right shape._** ”

Not much happened on the trip, thank goodness. He asked the questions this time. “ ** _What other kinds of creatures are there around here?_** ” He’d studied some of them, but he wanted to know what she thought. Mostly he’d found that EVERYTHING here would kill you. Except skittermice. Which was what they were mostly killing, he guessed.

“ _There are steelpeckers. They eat METAL. And they keep some in their bellies. And pole-snakes. They can take any little burrow or a HOLE and make it home. And ripper-raptors. They are like your twirrls and can see what they need from far away. And skittermice. They cross big deserts at night to find what they need. They are FAST and so small they can get in places other things can’t. And they can be VERY still. I am like a skittermouse now._ ”

Huh. She *was* starting to sound like him. But Rey didn’t think about it the same way he did. She admired the creatures of Jakku for the things they could do to survive.

They were there sooner than he’d thought they would be. It had seemed a lot longer the first time, but the Luggabeast was a hell of a lot more reliable than Rey’s father’s old beat-up scrap speeder. In fact, it didn’t seem to get tired, or need to eat or drink or perform any other natural animal function. He wondered how that worked. Teedo didn’t seem to need food or drink either. A closer look (not TOO close, even if he wasn’t really here) at Teedo showed the shapes of tubes and containers under the bandages. He decided he really didn’t want to know too much more. But Rey did need to eat and drink. Especially drink out here in the desert. It turned out he didn’t need to teach her that, though. She seemed to have grabbed water and some dried, gross-looking stuff that must be food. He guessed that’s what growing up on this planet did for you. She was a survivor.

Some of the ship fragments here looked a little familiar. The big ones, anyway. But how would they--or Teedo--find one droid in all this?

He felt a spike of fear. Again, it wasn’t his. He quickly reached out for her. “ _The pointing part is starting to see a DROID! A droid that is working! It knows what kind. JAYEN’S kind. Ben, they will find Jayen. And SELL him. What do we DO?_ ”

They didn’t have much time. He had to think fast. The Luggabeast was...a machine, but it was also an animal. Rey seemed to have talked to it as a machine. He had felt its instincts like an animal; like the Happabore, but not as vivid, not as close to sentient? More like the gnaw-jaw; but with all that metal and machinery...Got it.

“ ** _Okay. Rey. Touch my hand. Then we both touch the Luggabeast. If we both speak to each other and it at the same time, I think we can do what needs to be done and explain! But we have to hurry, or it’s going to do whatever it does to tell Teedo a droid is here. So quickly, we’ve got to tell it that Jayen is ours, our friend, to leave him alone, to not tell. To…” What had she said? “To not point or make a noise._** ”

“ _I will try, Ben. I knew you would know what to do._ ” He reached down and touched a bit of its flank between the bundles, making sure to maintain contact with Rey. She must have done the same, because...he could hear that jangling bell noise melded with the sound of stomping feet; the frustrating drill noise blended with the sound of a beast snorting, and all of it with Rey, here in this strange mind-place. Together their intent changed shape, as though two random bits of wood and metal had been combined to suddenly make a key. As though they’d rehearsed it, they both began to “speak” at once.

 

**_< Leave it/Leave it.  This is ours/This is ours.  Not for Teedo/Not for Teedo.  Our friend/Our friend. No/No tell/tell.   Hide/Hide it/it. HELP US.> _ **

 

Their plea merged into a single thought and voice. Ben saw the arrow, the “pointing”, and the shape (Rey was right, it DID look like the analysis droid and its fragment of ship) fade from the Luggabeast’s internal workings. He saw a beast, like a crude drawing, pulling two young in against its side. And he saw other bits and pieces of metal and ships’ parts begin appearing in its display. He recognized the area where Rey’s father had been working when they discovered Jayen in the Corvette. That would present an excellent distraction for Teedo. And he felt something from the beast, too. The Luggabeast wasn’t sure what it was, but Ben knew. It was pride. And he knew Rey could see and feel all of this, too.

But as the Luggabeast showed all of those other scraps in its display, the pointing arrow appeared again. It pulsed, and Ben could distantly hear an audible alarm. He pulled his touch, and his thoughts, back from the beast. “ ** _Rey! Let go! You’ve got to wait for the right moment to get off this thing_**.”

It took her a minute. She was still caught up in what they’d done.

“ _Ben! We did it. Lugga will help us. Lugga is PROUD. I am proud of him. It was HARD for him to change what his machine was told. Yes. I am looking and waiting and STILL._ ”

The Luggabeast ground to a halt. The alarm was still going off. It wasn’t very loud, which would make sense if you didn’t want most of Jakku to hear and EAT you. It swung ponderously around and pointed its sensors at a particular spot--he could see it now, it WAS the same spot where Rey’s father had found that big bag of scrap while he left her to bake in the heat. Nope, that thought wasn’t going to help him right now. Which meant its back end should be pointing more or less at the Corvette. The back end in question was lowering itself to the sand as the Luggabeast settled down, giant metal headpiece still pointed away from the droid’s hidden home. Teedo began to fiddle with some controls at the back of the Luggabeast’s head. It made some noises in its language. Ben knew swearing when he heard it.

“ ** _Now! Get out and get down. Quiet and quick. But stay behind Lugga’s flank where he can’t see you!_** ”

“ _I will be a skittermouse._ ” The small hand withdrew. Ben was impressed. She WAS quiet. And quick. She was getting better at this wandering off and hiding and escaping thing. He was not at all sure that was good. But right now it was vital, so he was all for it. The lid lifted without a sound. Her whole small self was out and over the side and down behind the beast in the space of a breath. And she’d brought what was left of the food and water in her pockets. Well done.

Teedo continued swearing, if tone was any indication. He suddenly jerked his head back, then turned to look at the sky. A different alarm tone was now sounding from within the Luggabeast. It was angrier-sounding somehow. Teedo said something that sounded like “Zoose Reeah!”, and got down off the Luggabeast in a hurry. The beast moved just a fraction; you could hardly tell, but enough to keep Rey blocked from view. Teedo grabbed a couple of empty bags and a full one and hustled himself into the wrecked-ship “building” just where the Luggabeast was pointing. These did not seem like good signs.

“ ** _Rey. Touch Lugga again, would you? We need to know what this alarm is for. Um, it’s okay to talk now._** ”

…

She put her hand on Lugga’s back. His head was strange again. But she could see wavy lines and little dots moving around. They went across the “ground” place in his head. That was strange. She didn’t know what it meant.

“His head is very strange. There are dots and lines. I don’t KNOW.” Oh. Ben’s words went away. She would try to reMEMber. Later.

" ** _Do you know what “Zoose Reeah” means?_** " He didn’t say it right. But OH. She KNEW those words.

“Papa says those are imPORtant words to know. He says those words mean GO INSIDE. They mean a storm is coming.” Oh. That was not good. She closed her eyes so she could see if he understood. It was HARD without his words.

He looked confused. “ ** _A storm? But it’s a desert planet. Why would they have special words for rainstorms?_** ”

“What is a rainstorm? Storms are made of sand, silly. That’s why you go inside.” Oh. That made his eyes get big.

“ ** _Rey, if there’s a sandstorm coming, you HAVE to go inside with Jayen. Come on._** ” There was the worried face again. It was really a VERY worried face.

…

NOW he was terrified. What had he been thinking? He should never have let her do this. He should have found better words, said something that would make her stay where it was safe. “ ** _Wait right here and DON’T MOVE. I’m going to find the way in._** ”

He moved over to the Corvette fragment. It looked a little different. The sand had moved. Well, why wouldn’t it. Damn it. Think. Wait. Stupid. He could just look inside. He drifted through the remains of the hull. Okay. This part looked exactly the same. So if the escape pod-hatch tunnel was HERE, then it should come out…he popped back out into the light. THERE. OK. They were lucky. There was actually less sand over the hole than when she’d come out last time. Wait. Why did he feel like he wanted to cry? Oh, man. He moved back over to Rey and the Luggabeast. She was standing next to it with her hand on its foot. Her face was red and streaked with tears. What the…?

“ ** _What’s the matter? Don’t worry, I found the tunnel. You just have to dig a tiny bit. Hey, it’ll be okay_**.”

She shook her head impatiently. “No. Not that. There are CHAINS on him. Chains are for being PUNISHED. Papa says. If you are bad when you are big they make it so you can not get away. Why is Lugga PUNISHED? He is GOOD. He can not get away? They are hurting him?”

She was practically vibrating with outrage. Wait. One of the shackle pins WAS vibrating. Damn it. He didn’t like it either. Nobody should control someone else’s mind, even an animal’s. But they didn’t have time for this. He had to get her to shelter. And even if they could take off the shackles and chains, how would they get back? And that Teedo would find them and KILL her for setting free his only mode of transportation. He had to say this right. He was always looking for the right words for Rey.

“ ** _Rey. Stop. Breathe. Listen. I don’t know why there are chains. I don’t like them either. But look. Look at him. He can’t survive by himself. He can’t EAT. We don’t know how to feed him and I bet he can’t do it himself. He CAN see, sort of, but you know it’s like a sensor. How would he defend himself? He needs Teedo. And Teedo needs him. Maybe those help keep his armor on, so the storm won’t hurt him. Remember. Did he FEEL angry or sad or hurt? He was just curious. And he helped us. If he wasn’t okay, we would KNOW. Right? Breathe. It’s okay. He’s okay._** ”

She hitched a few breaths, hiccuped, and considered. “He is not sad or hurt? He needs Teedo? He is okay?”

The wind was beginning to pick up. The light was getting less intense. They were really out of time.

“ ** _He’s okay. You know he is. We talked to him, remember? He would have asked us for help if he needed it. Instead, he helped us. Rey. You have to GO. Follow me over there and I’ll show you where to dig. PLEASE...You’ll be safe in here. Please._** ”

She bent and put her head against the Luggabeast’s side. Damn it. Here went nothing. He put one hand on the beast and the other on her shoulder. It was Lugga’s turn this time. _< Safe-hide.  Small-young.>  _The dots and lines Rey had seen.   _< Safe-hide.>_ 

 ** _< Hurt-sad?  Help-hide?>  _**That was from both of them, but mostly Rey.

There was a clicking sound. A Luggabeast shape appeared.   _< Wait-stay.  Work-help. Teedo.  Good-safe.>_

Rey drew back from Lugga. “He IS okay. Not hurt or sad. And he is helping.” She patted the beast. “Thank you for helping. You stay and be safe and eat and help. I will hide. Goodbye!” She scrubbed her hand across her face and turned away. “Where?”

He led her to the tunnel with his voice. Sometimes she closed her eyes. He showed her where to dig. It only took a few minutes. The wind was beginning to make a hissing noise against the metal. She looked back at the Luggabeast one more time. He held his breath for a minute. And then she was inside the tunnel and he could finally breathe again.

The dim interior was familiar now. Rey went running straight over to Jayen’s table. “Jayen! Jayen! Look. I brought things for you!”

The dusty-sounding voice seemed pleased. “Human. Juvenile. Female. Designation: Rey. Previously analyzed. Greetings are appropriate. Greetings.” His round blue eyes focused and re-focused on Rey. “This unit requires data for analysis. New data?”

Jayen and Rey were both ridiculously pleased to see each other. Ben tried to listen for the wind and sand on the hull, and occasionally checked on the storm outside. He was happy to see that the Luggabeast just hunkered down and curled up a bit, its legs tucked under its armored body. He was too worried to enjoy the antics of Rey and JN-66 as much as he would have liked. He did hear what sounded like an analysis of her water container, the remains of the dried food she’d brought with her (it didn’t get any less disgusting as a chemical analysis), the water itself (he knew that one, though Jayen did run through a truly impressive list of trace minerals). He offered a few comments here and there to simplify the terminology, though Jayen was getting better at pitching his descriptions to his audience.

He was paying half attention when he was startled to hear “Bone. Clarification: Bone mineral. Carbonated hydroxyapatite. Calcium. Potassium. Oxygen. Hydrogen. Classification: Avian. Species: Analyzing. Bloggin. Native to planet Jakku. Visual sensor analysis: marks of predation. Calibrating. This is a bloggin bone. This bloggin was eaten. Bite mark analysis: gnaw-jaw. Ripper-raptor. Native to planet Jakku. Conclusion: natural predator-prey and decomposer cycle. Appropriate to desert biome.” When on earth had she found THAT and stuck it in her pocket?

“ ** _He means something ate the bloggin and then a ripper-raptor cleaned up after it. And that that’s normal._** ”

She nodded. “Bloggins are very dumb. They get eaten a lot.” This didn’t seem to faze her. Survival was a tough business.

He realized suddenly that the hissing of sand on the roof and the howling noise of the wind had stopped. In fact, he thought they’d stopped some time ago. “ ** _Rey, I’m going to look outside. It sounds like the storm might be over._** ”

“Okay. I will show Jayen a feather.” The chemical analysis began as he drifted outside.

There was nothing outside. There were still big metal shapes, of course, and sand, and sun. But it was quiet, and...Oh, no. The Luggabeast was gone. He looked in the big “building” nearby where Teedo had holed up and presumably searched for scrap. Nothing. They were alone. How the HELL was he going to get her home? He looked back inside. She was still happily absorbed in chatting with Jayen. He drifted back out and started looking frantically around the area for any way Rey could get back to the town. He found himself going in circles and he was just about ready to go back in and try to break the news that he didn’t KNOW how to get her home when he heard it. A speeder. With a really terrible engine. He moved toward the sound and saw Rey’s dad in his half-broken patchwork speeder. Had he come to find her? But how could he even know she was here? Had he been pattern-searching, spiralling out from the town to find his daughter? Ben watched as Rey’s father pulled into more or less the same place he’d left the speeder before. He waited for her name to be called, for her father to look as frantically as Ben himself had been just a short while ago.

Rey’s father calmly got out of the speeder. He took a large empty bag from the back, turned, and went into the big “building”. He was *whistling*.

Ben had thought he was angry at the idea that Teedo might hurt Rey, but this....this was so much worse. He felt like his mind was on fire. Heat rushed from his toes up to the crown of his head. He’d FORGOTTEN her. He didn’t even KNOW she was MISSING. The fire built and built inside his head. He thought about the dark corner of his mind, where sometimes it felt like he had a teacher and sometimes he was afraid. Lessons in destruction lived there. He knew this.

NO. Rey was a separate part of his life, where he didn’t have to worry about how he was learning, he didn’t have to think dangerous thoughts, and he shuddered at the idea of that corner of his mind LOOKING at her. NO. But the flames were still rising in his mind. He tried to extinguish them, to breathe, to seek calm. But he lost control of the burning.

He watched, as though he were watching someone else, his hand extend in front of him. There was a POP! And a hissing noise, and a strange liquid crackle. Part of what remained of the speeder’s cracked windscreen sprouted a bigger crack, and to his horror (and shamefully, his satisfaction, just a little) the side of the windscreen began to melt, sagging away from where it had split. That was enough to shock him out of his own head. That was her way HOME. He turned away from the speeder and stared at the sand in front of his feet. Breathe. Center. Calm. Breathe. Center. Calm.

A few long moments went by before he could slow his breathing. Before his hands stopped trembling. Before the burning in his mind dimmed down to banked coals, still shimmering with heat but not a danger to anyone. He scrubbed his hand over his face, pushed his hair back from his eyes, and moved back to the Corvette.

“ ** _Rey._** ” His voice only shook a little. He was proud of that.

“Ben! Where did you go? You were not here.” She looked a little anxious.

“ ** _I told you I was going to look around and see what things looked like after the storm, remember?_** ” The slightest of cracks in his voice. She didn’t seem to notice. Good.

“You were gone a long time. Is Lugga okay?”

“ ** _Teedo and Lugga went back with the things they found. They’re fine._** ” Her eyebrows drew together. “ ** _But guess what? Someone else is here. Your papa is here in the speeder_**.”

She beamed. “Papa is here? He came to find me. Papa is so clever!” She clapped her hands. He tasted bile. But she was happy that her Papa had come to take her home. He wasn’t about to burst that bubble.

She waved and said goodbye to Jayen, promising to come again, then ran straight for the exit tunnel. The TUNNEL. He’d been so overwhelmed outside he’d forgotten to check it. He drifted outside. The view was not promising. No tunnel was visible from out here. He drifted THROUGH the sand. It seemed to take longer than it had before. Oh. There was a LOT more sand this time. Of course there was. And Rey, delighted that her worthless, awful father had come to “rescue” her, was squirming and digging right into it when he came back to her. And the sand was collapsing around her as she went. She coughed, wriggled, choked a little, and called his name. “Ben! Too much sand! HELP ME!”. But he couldn’t help. He was as helpless as she was. He went back out to look and couldn’t see any movement in the outside of the sand covering the tunnel.

It wasn’t fire this time, but ice. Cold fear crept up his back and into his mind. He plunged back into the sand and blindly reached. He knew he’d found her when he felt a fear that matched his own. “ _GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT_ ” met his own thought of _DO SOMETHING DO SOMETHING DO SOMETHING_. He *pulled* just as he felt her *push*.

There was an explosion. That was the only real word for it. It was completely without sound except the hissing of sand, but no less violent for that. He yanked backward, somehow, as she pushed forward and sand fountained out of the tunnel into the air. She scrambled out of the tunnel, gasping, as the sand rained back down to the surface.

…

It was a little while before she could talk. Ben was quiet too.

Eyes closed, she could see him while she got the sand off her face. “What did you do? You made it go away.”

He shook his head. “ ** _WE made it go away. And I have no idea. I’m sorry. I should have checked it before you tried to leave. I’m so sorry._** ” He ducked his head and looked at his feet. His hair was covering his face.

“Why? Don’t worry. I am out. See? You helped.” She stood up and twirled around to show him that she was okay.

He nodded. When he turned his face up again he was smiling with one side of his mouth. That was better.

…

Unbelievable. And here she was cheerful again like nothing had happened at all. “ ** _Okay. I’m glad you’re all right. Go ahead and get in the speeder. You can, um, surprise your Papa. He’ll be glad to see you._** ”

“That is a VERY good idea. Papa will like that.” She clambered into the back of the speeder. Remarkably, it was actually in the shade this time. “Look! My cave is still here.” There was a Rey-sized nest among the bundles in the back. She tucked herself away in it. “It is a good cave.” She yawned. “Sleepy.”

It had been a long day. “ _ **That’s okay. You go to sleep. I’ve got to get home anyway. I’ll see you later, okay?**_ ” Her eyes were already closed.

“Mkay. Bye…” She trailed off. He risked a look inside the structure where her father was. It looked like his big bag was almost full. Good thing *he’d* had an easy day. He felt himself getting angry again. _Use your anger. Make it serve you._ Right now, it didn’t seem like the worst idea he’d ever heard. He needed to learn, he was thinking as he felt himself retreating. Lives might depend on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's pretty clear (I think) that later Rey can borrow skills from somebody else's memories and experiences. And one of the most frustrating parts about being little is not being able to communicate all the big ideas in your head. Imagine being able to solve that problem, if only for a while. 
> 
> Ben's gaining some skills too. Very useful ones. But his tend to come at a price. 
> 
> I enjoyed the idea that they can do things together that they can't yet do apart. And exploring the mysteries of Luggabeasts and this clearly extraordinary specimen of the breed. And Jayen clearly needed another visit. He needs a friend too.
> 
> Thanks @flypaper_brain as always for editing, plot hole checks, encouragement, and enthusiasm.


	7. Practicing...Shared:  A Solo Effort, Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is determined to learn how to better use his abilities to manipulate the world around him. So he can protect the friend he's found. But he must keep her hidden from the presence in his mind that offers lessons in power. 
> 
> As always, they work best together. Their approaches to life and the Force are opposite and perfectly complementary.
> 
> Accident-prone boys are accident-prone. They are also terrifying. And foolish, stubborn boys are stubborn and foolish.
> 
> Eventually Rey was bound to lose patience with him.

_You wish to learn. Learning requires practice. Practice requires discipline._

And all of that sounded fantastically boring. Ben did want to learn. He needed to know more about what he could do. That last “trip” to Jakku had been close to disaster on several levels. Rey had nearly suffocated in sand, and he had almost destroyed her only means of transport home. It wasn’t the ability to do things he lacked. It was the control to do it right...or not do it at all.

His teacher could help with that. Ben still wasn’t entirely certain how he felt about these lessons. But if he resisted them, he might do something wrong the next time she needed help, and avoiding that was worth...well, anything. So he shrugged and got up from his desk.

These kinds of lessons required somewhere isolated. Mom and Dad would both blow a gasket if they ever caught him doing anything like what he thought he was about to be doing. He veered past the library where Mom was reading something that looked deadly dull (he liked to read, but...Political Implications of the Treaty of...nope) and called out that he was going for a walk. She nodded and waved a hand in his direction without looking up, apparently absorbed in what she was reading. Dad was off with Chewie doing something they weren’t supposed to discuss, or even acknowledge. It was amazing how much of Dad’s work fit that description. And how Mom and Dad both still pretended Ben didn’t know what Dad did for a living. Or a hobby. Or both.

He took a detour through the kitchen for a snack and a drink and out the door. He didn’t really choose a destination, just let his feet go wherever they happened to go.

_Let your feelings guide you. Use your instincts._

Before long, he found himself at the foot of the cliff. THE cliff. The low, rocky wall where he’d fallen and broken his arm. He had mixed feelings about this place. The fall had been scary. So had the overheard threat to send him to Uncle Luke. Okay, so it hadn’t been meant as a threat, but he didn’t WANT to be sent to the middle of nowhere to study with strangers under his uncle’s critical eye. There was a lot he didn’t want to explain. And he already had a teacher.

But this place had been the beginning of his newfound skills.

_Power. You began to learn power here._

And however confusing or alarming some of his recent life had been, he couldn’t go back. There was no way he was giving up these abilities. These connections.

_They are yours. USE them._

So here he was, sitting cross-legged in the dirt at the base of the cliff.

_Still your mind. Focus on your fear of failure with this skill. This is the key, the driving force that will lead you to learn._

That didn’t sound exactly right to him, but then he was no expert. He thought back to the trip back from Ord Mantell, the twisting in his belly at the thought that they might crash when they were so close to home, and his father’s pale stillness.

_Good. Now. We start with something small. Call the rocks to air. Lighten them. Make them obey your will._

He glanced at the rocks nearby, drinking in each shape as though his life depended on knowing every curve and edge. As he looked at them, his eyes unfocused. The visible rocks blurred, and he began to “see” things without using his eyes. The weight of each stone. The forces that held them in place. The time and wind and water that had eroded them to their present shape. The potential in each to be used as a weapon, a tool, a building material, or just a part of the natural landscape, left in peace to exist as they were. Their chemical composition danced in strange diagrams across the backs of his eyelids as his eyes slowly closed.

Ben’s hands rose from his knees and extended outward. Eyes still closed, he put himself between the stones and gravity, whispered to them that they were lighter than air, filled with movement, empowered to fly. That the most important thing of all was that they do as he said.  First one stone, then another, slipped free of their bonds and began to rise. Joy filled him, so sharp it was almost pain.

_EXCELLENT. You make swift progress, boy._

Joy was joined by pride. He could do this. HE could do this.

He could feel the stones still suspended in the air, as though it had thickened to hold them in place. He thought about the time that had been needed to grind them down from the mountains they’d once been, and the time stretching forward that would erode and shape them still further until they might one day be grains of sand. They felt different than sand. The grains of sand on Jakku had been so small that it had been like trying to grab a liquid.

_What is this?_

He felt a horrible…rummaging through those last few thoughts. He saw the sand fountaining into the air, felt himself PULLING, calling the sand with his mind in a desperate attempt to...NO.

The creeping, hot fingers in his mind had almost reached the reason he’d needed so desperately to move that desert sand. NO. She didn’t belong anywhere his teacher could see her. He knew that without any idea why he knew. He couldn’t lie, he couldn’t seem to get away, he couldn’t seem to resist. The scene was unfolding backwards like a holographic video in reverse. He couldn’t push back without having to think about WHY he was pushing away his teacher in the middle of a lesson. His mind skittered frantically like a trapped rodent. He opened his eyes.

There was nothing. Nothing to fight with, no way to get away, it was all inside his mind. Instinctively he did as he’d done before when Rey was in danger and *pulled*.

A cascade of stones began to rain down on him. He had just enough warning to turn, scramble backwards and try to get out from under them. He was almost successful. A particularly large and nasty-looking boulder caught his trailing leg, and his foot and ankle exploded with pain. He heard a very distinct *crunch*. The presence in his mind vanished, connection severed instantly by the agony in his ankle. For a few moments he just lay there, waiting for the frantic pounding of his heart to slow. Then he tried to move.

*Kriff*, that hurt. The world melted into gray waves for a minute and he stopped, just breathing and...existing until it came back into focus. That was when he realized his foot was trapped. Oh, great. So, he thought, let’s take an inventory. One probably broken ankle. One trapped foot. He tried to...yep, one Ben completely incapable of the concentration required to lift a single stone. And he was completely alone. He contorted himself into a sitting position as best he could, sighed, and closed his eyes.

 ** _“Ben?”_** Eyes still closed, he tilted his face up. And almost had a heart attack. She was examining his face intently. From about four inches away. He was so startled, he jerked away and ended up flat on his back.

 ** _“You are hurt! You got hurt here before. You should stop coming here. Did you fall down again?”_** She put her hands on her hips and shook her head disapprovingly at him.

Wait. What? It took him a minute to think past the throbbing in his ankle, sit up again (painfully) and sort out those sentences. “I did get hurt here before. I fell. How did you know that? Um, hi. I’ll be okay. I think.”

 _ **“Oh. I saw you. You were scared and I was here and you fell and you wouldn’t move. That was scary.”**_ Her little arms described an arc in the air and then his shape stretched on the ground, then ended with her hands over her face.

“You... you SAW that? I didn’t know you were here. I didn’t even know you existed. How did...I’m so confused.” He shook his head. He was still glad to see her, though.

 ** _“It was hard. I found your papa and your mama. Your mama is the BEAUTiful lady with the...twisty hair. Right?”_** She made spiral motions around her own head.

“Braids. They’re called braids. You did WHAT? Why don’t I remember any of this?” So she’d been here, with him, since the beginning? Since he started to figure out what he could do, since his parents starting coming back more often, since...No. Don’t think of the lessons.

 ** _“You were sleeping. Your face was WHITE and you wouldn’t MOVE and I was SCARED. Your mama and papa were up there.”_ ** She pointed up to the top of the rock wall. **_“Your papa couldn’t hear me. Even if I SANG. But your mama JUMPED and RAN when she heard a boy was hurt.”_** She nodded as if this made perfect sense when suddenly NOTHING made sense.

“You...talked. To my MOTHER?!” He felt a little faint. It had nothing to do with the pain in his ankle and *everything* to do with his mother knowing about all of this. That was the SAME DAY he’d overheard her talking to Uncle Luke.

Rey shook her head impatiently, like he was being very slow on the uptake. **_“I didn’t know HOW yet. Your mama didn’t see me. She...heard you? But I helped her. I...dreamed at her. Out loud.”_** Now *she* looked confused. She shook her head again. **_“It’s not imPORTant.”_** He begged to differ.

 ** _“You are hurt? How? Why? I heard you.”_** She anxiously looked at him.

“I….” He shifted a little. “OW. I did something dumb and I hurt my foot. I’m all right.” He smiled at her. He was pretty sure it was a smile.

She stomped her foot. **_“Ben. You are being *very* stupid. Go and get your mama so she can help you.”_** She pointed back to the house, then crossed her arms and glared at him.

He managed not to laugh, but it took a lot of effort. And it kind of hurt. Why would laughing (or trying not to laugh) hurt? “I can’t. My foot is stuck. I can’t move.” He shrugged. “Somebody’ll figure out where I am eventually. I guess?”

He wasn’t sure how long that was going to take. And he was going to be in a LOT of trouble. He hoped it wasn’t too long. It got kind of cold here at night. And he was going to be very hungry. Probably whatever was wrong with his ankle wasn’t going to be improved either.

Rey clapped her hands. **_“*I* can get your mama. I can tell her that her boy is hurt. Like before.”_ ** She was delighted at this idea.

He could actually feel the hair rise up on the back of his neck. “NO! Sorry. No. Nope. That is not a good idea. Please don’t do that. I don’t want her to know you’re here.” And he knew that last sentence was wrong as soon as it left his mouth.

There went the lip wobbles. **_“Your mama would not like me? I am not a good friend?”_** And one fat tear. Think fast, Ben.

“Of COURSE you’re a good friend. And she would definitely like you.” They both liked to tell him what to do. He suppressed a bubble of hysterical laughter. Not helpful. “But she doesn’t know about the...dreaming. It would scare her. She’d be afraid I was sick or something. And she can’t see you, so it would be really hard to explain”. And he’d be off to some remote rock and under Uncle Luke’s sharp eye. “Wait.” Inspiration. “I have a better idea. *You* can help me. I can show you how.”

That got her attention. **_“I can help? I can help! How do I help?”_** She looked around for...he wasn’t sure what. She tried to pick up the boulder with her hands, which was ridiculous since even if she were here, there was no way she could shift this thing. As it was, her hands went right through it. She whirled back around. **_“Show me!”_** She held out both hands as though expecting him to give her something.

“Okay, slow down! Breathe. Remember?” He patted the ground next to him. “Sit here.” He wrangled himself as close to meditation position as he could with a big kriffing rock on his foot and put his hands on his knees. She sat down next to him cross-legged and settled herself, checking to see what he was doing so she could copy him exactly. It was sort of cute.

 ** _“This is not helping. What now?”_** She looked up at him with complete trust.

“Okay. Close your eyes." His own were already closed; it was still the only way he could see her. “Now. There are lots of rocks here. Think about the rocks. Open your eyes again and look at them if you have to. Think about their shapes. Think about their weight. Think about how rocks are made. Did you know that rocks start out as mountains? Huge and slow and old and very, very heavy.”

He glanced over at her. Her breathing had slowed and steadied. Her face was oddly...serene for somebody so small. Her hands were on her knees, palms up. He was becoming more calm, too. It helped to talk to her.

“Now think about how the rocks hug the ground. If you picked one up and let it out of your hand, it would fall back to the ground again. Tell them what you want them to do.  Think about what would happen if it went the other way. If you let it out of your hand and instead of falling...it could fly.”

It was working. The rocks in front of them were quivering. They began to shake. They rose a few millimeters into the air. And then they fell again.

 ** _“They will not fly. I am not helping. They won’t *listen*! How can I help if they won’t listen!”_ ** She was getting angry, her small hands in fists.

“Okay. Let’s try again. Maybe I can try again. Why don’t you come and watch over my shoulder while I try it?” He patted his left shoulder.

 ** _“Okay!”_** She scrambled up and came to stand right behind him. **_“Show me again. I will do better.”_**

“You’re doing just fine. This is hard. Remember when the sand moved? I think we did that together. So we’ll try it together again.” He settled himself as best he could, felt a sharp spike of pain from his injured ankle. He accepted it. He understood that it was there, that it hurt him, that his body was damaged. Now all he had to to was move past that. He set aside fear--that his mother would find out what he’d been doing, that his ankle might be badly broken, that someday he might not be able to keep Rey away from where the lessons lived. He set aside anger at himself for getting stuck like this, for panicking, for thinking about her while he was learning.

He could feel his own breath slowing, his heart beating more gently. He started to think about the stones again. It was harder when he had to talk.

“Okay. So rocks begin as mountains. Big and old and slow and heavy. And the wind blows across them and the water rains down on top of them and time happens to them and they get smaller. They get smaller because pieces of them break free and fall to earth.” She was humming. He didn’t know what, but it seemed to go along with what he was saying and thinking. He could feel that she’d leaned forward against his shoulder by the presence of her mind alongside his own.

“Big pieces, at first. And the water keeps raining and the wind keeps blowing and time keeps moving and maybe somebody like you or me touches them and walks on them and they get smaller. And they break into pieces. And the parts that broke are sharp and the parts that didn’t are smooth and if you waited thousands and millions of years they would be sand like they are where you live. But here they’re still rocks, bigger than sand, sharp and smooth and sometimes they remember when they were mountains and they could touch...the...sky…” He opened his eyes. Several small stones were floating just above his hand. They were tumbling in the air, like they were orbiting each other over and over.

 ** _“You did it!”_** , said a voice from over his shoulder. **_“You CAN do anything. I know now. You didn’t tell them what to do. You spoke rock to them and made them feel tall and then you made them feel like flying. You told them a story.”_**

Huh. He guessed he had. It was a little different than before. He hadn’t made them bend to his will, and he hadn’t been angry or afraid. He’d *convinced* them that they wanted to do as he said, and he’d been thinking about Rey and how to help her understand them. It was hard to understand a rock.

“I guess I did. But I still don’t think I can lift this thing.” The rocks fell back down as he returned to contemplating his situation.

 ** _“Let me try. You said together.”_** He nodded and closed his eyes so he could see her. She sat down and settled herself into meditation position like she’d been doing it all her life. She turned her hands palm up and looked at the nearby stones. She closed her eyes and began breathing more slowly. And then she spoke.

 ** _“You are rocks. Some of you are big and some are small. Some of you are sharp and some are smooth. Some are gray and some are brown. And you are all beautiful. You used to be mountains. Ben says someday you will be sand. But right now you are rocks. And you can do it. I know you can. You can FLY.”_** Her hands rose from her knees and beckoned, showing the rocks where to go. It was possibly the most adorable thing he’d ever seen. And then he realized it was working.

First the tiny pebbles rose up into the air. Then the small, weathered, rounded stones. Then a few larger, jagged rocks started to move, pulling upwards but not quite able to leave the ground. He couldn't believe it. She was better at this than he was. He was jealous for a split second, and it kind of made him mad; and then he shook his head and grinned. She was really good at this. He was proud of her. And then, impossibly, he felt the boulder on top of his ankle start to shake. Hot agony shot up to his knee. He bit the inside of his cheek trying to stay quiet. He didn’t want to disturb her.

She opened her eyes. And then opened them wider. And smiled. **_“I am doing it! You showed me how!”_ ** A puzzled frown. **_“Why don’t they move in circles like yours did?”_**

He was busy trying to blink his vision clear. It wasn’t working. He tried to smile for her. “I don’t know. Maybe because you’re lifting so many more than I did. And bigger ones. You did a great job. I’m proud of you. You’re really good at this.” The rocks settled slowly back down to the ground. He couldn’t suppress a gasp of pain as the boulder stopped shaking and settled back onto his ankle. It hadn’t moved enough to let him go.

 ** _“Ben?”_** She whirled around. **_“Help me. We can move this big rock. It is hurting you. I don’t like that.”_**

“Okay. Give me a minute.” His vision settled down after a few seconds. Breathe. Center. Calm. Pain was *really* distracting. Breathe. Accept it, acknowledge it, move past it. “All right. Sit right here next to me and put your hand on my hand. We’ll try it together.” She settled back down next to him.

When her hand was palm-up on top of his own, he could see how she saw the stones. Like people, to be encouraged and told how wonderful they were and that they could do anything they could imagine. And he could feel her contemplating the mountain peaks in his mind, open to the weather, scoured down with the years. Together they turned to consider the boulder. He was a little angry at it. But it wasn’t the boulder’s fault. It could have stayed there forever if he hadn’t gotten scared and pulled it from its home, which must have been very upsetting for a big, old, rock like this. He didn’t even know any longer whose thought that was. Together they considered the stone. It was sort of pretty in the sunlight. Some bits sparkled, others stayed cool gray as though touched by water. It looked like it was way too big and heavy to ever move, but they knew that wasn’t true. Their blended thoughts and voices spoke to the stone.

“ ** _<_** ** _We know you.  We see you, your bones, your history, the forces that made you.  You were once a mountain peak. You soared with twirrls. You can do it again. You are strong.  You are old and have seen many things. You miss the sky. You are beautiful and bold. We need your help.  Try. Strive. Fly. >_**”

The boulder shook. It was excruciating work to keep his concentration. It wobbled, then finally it rose. Not very high. But enough. Ben gratefully scooted back on his hands and uninjured foot. The boulder fell back to earth with a *thud* and a puff of dust.

He closed his eyes at the pain of returning circulation to see Rey walk forward and...hug the boulder. **_“Thank you. Thank you for hearing us. You did such a good job!”_** She really was something. Everything had value to her. She patted the rock a last time, then turned back to him.

 ** _“Your foot is a very funny color. Can you walk?”_** She looked alarmed. He opened his eyes and risked a look down at his ankle. She was not wrong. It was turning some fairly alarming shades of purple and black and it didn’t bear much resemblance to the other one.

“Um. I hope so. I don’t know.”

He was almost certain the answer was no. Not without some help. He looked around as though some crutches, or maybe a helpful Mantellian Savrip, were going to appear out of thin air. Yeah. That would happen. But...he scanned the grass further out from the stony dirt below the rock wall. Grass, more grass, a few trees...and some very helpful-looking sticks below them. And almost as useful to him as though they’d been back in Rey’s house on Jakku. Damn it. Wait, hang on...hadn’t he just been practicing moving things? Think, Ben. He picked a nice long stick that forked at one end, memorized its shape, color, and position. He closed his eyes, held out his hand, and BEGGED it for help.

A few moments later, he felt a *thump* as it hit his palm. He looked over at Rey to see her staring, mouth open, at the stick in his hand. **_“You called it. From FAR AWAY. How did you call the stick?”_ ** Elated, he even managed to forget how much his ankle hurt for a minute.

“I just really, really needed a stick.” He shrugged. “I have no idea. But I’d better get going, I’ve been out here a while.” He settled the forked end of the branch under his arm and started hopping and limping toward home.

Rey eyed him critically. **_“You are going very slow. I should get your mama. Does that hurt?”_** She pointed at his ankle, now at least twice its usual size. He’d been trying not to think about exactly how much it hurt every time he took a step-hop. And now that’s all he could think about.

“I’m FINE. You can NOT get my mother.”, he managed through gritted teeth. “She...will...have...an entire...litter...of kittens.” That last sentence was spat out between steps and hops. She was right, though. At this rate it *would* be dark before he got home. Which would be better than his mother wondering why an invisible person was yelling at her...or worse, SEEING somebody who wasn’t really there.

 ** _“What is a kitten? You are not making sense. Is your head hurt, too?”_** She circled him, examining his face and head carefully.

He sighed. “Look, it’s just a weird way of saying she’d be upset. My head is fine. The rest of me is fine. Fine enough to get home.” He took a deep breath. “Thank you, but it’s better if I do this part myself.” He paused to rest. Rest, sheesh. He’d only gone a few yards.

Rey crossed her arms and stuck out her chin. **_“I am not going away unless you are safe.”_ ** Her face dared him to argue. He knew better.

“Okay. It would be nice to have some company on the way back.” And it was. As usual, she had questions about EVERYTHING. **_“Where is your papa? I like him. He has a nice smile. Like yours.”_**

“He’s off with Chewie doing something mysterious. I’m not supposed to know about it. So I didn’t ask.” He risked looking up from his feet. The house didn’t even look like it was getting closer. That wasn’t fair.

 ** _“Chewie! I like him too. He is funny. I think. He makes your papa laugh. I want to learn more Wookiee talk.”_** She practiced the words she’d already learned. That made them both laugh. ** _“What is your mama like?”_**

“When she was younger she had some pretty dangerous adventures with my dad. Really important stuff. I wasn’t born yet. Now she...well, she’s a Senator. That means she tells people what to do. She’s really smart. And she worries about me, I guess. I try not to make her worry so much.” And this wasn’t going to help. “Sometimes she gets angry. Like I do. But it’s because she worries about everything. And she likes books a lot.”

 ** _“That is like you too. I like her.”_** She nodded, apparently satisfied. **_“I want to see the ship lady again. Is she here?”_** She looked around. Something the size of the Falcon would be hard to miss. **_“I want to tell her about Jayen and Lugga.”_**

“No, she went with Dad and Chewie. They usually take her because she’s fast.” Fast would have been nice right about now. “It’s just me and Mom and the house droids.”

There were more questions. Of course there were. About trees, and grass, and rain; he mentioned something about snow, and then realized she wouldn’t know what that was. Snow was REALLY hard to explain. And rivers. And Lake Paonga. He tried his best, but he couldn’t really make her understand water that stretched out farther than you could see, and places where water did nothing but fall into other water, and water that moved with the three moons. Rey wanted to know what *everything* was, and it was TOUGH to come up with ways to explain those things. Never mind trying to explain that here people *lived* in water. And fish. And clams. And boats. And what a swamp was.

He was trying to explain the difference between a bog, a swamp, and a marsh as best he could (and not paying attention to the terrain as well as he should have been) when his next step put his makeshift crutch into some kind of hole. The stick slipped out from under his arm and he fell. Sideways. Right onto his injured ankle. This time the gray waves went black. When he opened his eyes again (uh-oh, he didn’t remember closing them), he felt a wave of fear and she was shouting at him.

 ** _“Ben? BEN! I don’t know what to DO!”_** He didn’t think it had been more than a couple of minutes. He hoped not. He closed his eyes again. Rey was kneeling on the grass next to him, hands on his shoulder, face streaked with tears.

“Hey, I’m here, I’m okay, just give me a minute, it’s okay.” He lifted a hand and waved, then sat up slowly. OW. Ow. He’d added a few bruises to his total. No big deal. Ankle? Who knew? About the same, he thought. It had just really, really been unpleasant to land on it. “Just let me sit here for a second, and I’ll get back to walking.”

She shook her head and stood up. She glared at Ben. And stomped her foot. And waved a fist at him. Oh, boy.

**_“That is ENOUGH! You are being stupid and you hurt yourself AGAIN and then you fell down and you wouldn’t talk to me and I don’t understand why you won’t let me tell your mama that HER BOY IS HURT!”_ **

Those last couple of words made his ears ring. And his head hurt. They seemed to echo and roll across the grass. And he could *feel* his mother jump up out of her chair, book falling to the floor. He could SEE her. He heard her say “ _Ben? What?!_ ” The connection (if that’s what it had been), was severed almost as quickly as it had been made. But he had a feeling that alerting his mother was no longer an issue.

“Okay. You win. I’m not going anywhere. And I think Mom knows where I am now anyway. You scared her right out of her chair. Okay? I’m sorry. I’ll just sit here until Mom shows up, all right?” He arranged himself as comfortably as he possibly could and patted the ground next to him. “How did you DO that, anyway? Yell like that?”

She wasn’t entirely finished being upset with him. **“I don’t KNOW. I was MAD.”** She settled grudgingly down onto the grass. **_“Your mama is coming? She will help you? She heard me?”_ ** She looked pleased with herself now.

“She heard something, all right. I don’t know what. But yeah, I think she’s on her way.” He knew it was true as he said it. He didn’t know how.

 ** _“Good. I will wait.”_ ** That sounded very final. He was not going to try to argue the point. He shifted himself a few painful feet until he could rest his back against a tree and waited.

After a few moments, she seemed to have calmed down a bit. **_“Ben?”_** He closed his eyes and glanced over toward the sound of her voice. She was sitting next to him under the tree looking thoughtful. **_“I think it would be easier to know about the big water if I could *see* it.”_ ** It was both request and peace offering. He understood this.

“Sure”, he said. He put a hand palm-up next to him on the grass. “Put your hand on top of mine. I can try to show you.” It *would* be easier to show her that way. He was annoyed that he hadn’t thought of it. And it would be a fun way to pass the time.

She scooched over and put her hand on his where it lay on the grass. He thought back to the river cruise he’d gone on with his parents when they first came back to spend more time with him on Naboo. They’d gone down a river, seen lots of waterfalls, and eventually taken a good look at Lake Paonga. It had been a pretty amazing trip, when he thought about it.

He replayed the images in his memories. He remembered the feel of cold spray on his skin from the waterfall like it had been raining sideways, and the taste when he’d opened his mouth to drink right from the air. He let her listen to the sound of water cascading hundreds of feet to land on more water and the rocks below, like the roar of a crowd, or continuous thunder. He called up the smell of so much water, a thing all its own, and the scents of green and growing things. And he conjured the sight of mountains capped in snow.

When he surfaced again, swimming up out of his own memories, Rey was smiling and crying at the same time. **_“Your beautiful home...I did not know so much water was anywhere.”_** They were both startled by the sound of a speeder engine. It was still far off, but Mom was definitely on her way.

He was about to try to explain that she should go, since his mother was almost here, but she spoke first. **_“My mama is awake. I have to go home.”_** He was surprised at how disappointed he was, since he needed her to go anyway.

“Okay. Thank you for helping me. And yelling at me.” He grinned. “I needed both of those.”

 ** _“Yes you did. You be careful. Bye!”_ ** She winked out of existence.

He leaned back against the tree. By the time his mother arrived, he’d managed to fall asleep despite how much his ankle hurt. It had been a long day.

…

He was propped up against a tree when she found him, looking smaller than she knew he really was. She didn’t know why she’d come looking. She didn’t know why she’d told the house medical droid, a sturdy 2-1B model they’d had for years, to get in the speeder with her. She’d just had a feeling. That something was wrong and that it involved her son. And it was a strong enough feeling that she didn’t want to look too hard at its origin, and that she didn’t question it. So she hopped in the speeder and headed toward the place she’d found him last time he’d been hurt. That was another choice she didn’t want to examine too closely. Sometimes she just *knew*, and that was all she was going to admit, no matter what Luke said.

She felt cold and hot at the same time when she saw her son. Once she spotted him, he was the only thing she could see. His eyes were closed, and there was something very wrong with his foot. She could see that from here. A shiver shot from her toes all the way to her ears, and she could feel her heartbeat in her face. She set down the speeder and ran to him, medical droid trailing behind. She’d found his pulse before the droid caught up with her, and let her breath out in a *whoosh* of relief.

He opened his eyes and smiled at her, his father’s smile. “Mom. You found me. I knew you would.” She couldn’t help but smile in return. She brushed his hair away from his face. The smile turned to a grimace of pain as the droid began to manipulate his ankle.

“How did you DO this to yourself? What were you doing out here? Stars, son, do I need to put a kriffing BEACON on you?!” He looked shocked and a little scared. Yeah, well, so was she.

“I’m sorry, Mom. There was a rockfall. At the cliff. I was just taking a walk.” He pointed at the SAME DAMN PLACE she’d found him when he fell.

“What were you doing THERE again? Was falling off that thing once not enough for you? Ben…” She shook her head, speechless.

“I...like geology? I was studying the rocks there. I tried to get home...I found a stick, but…”. He sucked in air abruptly as the droid continued its examination.

He’d WALKED here? On that ankle? Thinking about that made her feel a little sick. She should have gone with him. A walk wouldn’t have done her any harm. She’d been too absorbed in her book. Reading about faraway places while her son, her only son, was alone and in pain. He was the most important thing in her life. He should be.

“Fracture. Administering painkiller. Immobilizing joint.” There was a *hiss* as the medical droid deployed an injector, then efficiently splinted the ankle using a handy stick nearby and an internal supply of surgical tape. Ben’s face smoothed out almost immediately, and his eyes fluttered closed again. Answers would have to wait for later. Leia didn’t know what to do about this boy of hers. He was old enough that confining him to the house wasn’t a good answer, but he just couldn’t seem to get out of his own way. How did you even...she shook her head. Later.

Between the two of them, Leia and the droid managed to wrestle Ben into the speeder. He didn’t even stir. Getting him into the house was going to be a challenge. She thought there might be a stretcher somewhere. For emergencies.

…

It was the middle of the night when the painkillers wore off and he could feel exactly what kind of damage he’d done to himself. He lay in the dark, breathing evenly, trying to think through the pain.

_So this is the reason for the interruption. An injury. Interesting. This affords an opportunity. You already know that anger and fear can lead you, and bolster your power. Now you will learn how to use your pain. It can strengthen you as well, if you have the will to harness it. Let us begin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tantrum heard round the world. 
> 
> Ben has his father's smile, at least as a teenager. But he is much more like his mother in almost every other way. Stubborn and angry and brilliant and almost always unwilling to let other people know what's happening inside his head.
> 
> @milady-666 (on Tumblr, anyway) created a piece of artwork (not for me, I saw it and was struck by it) that was fantastically inspiring for this chapter; I said so on Tumblr but realized I forgot to say thank you here.
> 
> Thanks, @flypaper-brain for editing, prompts, cheerleading, and conspiracy. And the idea for this chapter's epilogue.

**Author's Note:**

> There may be more of this story. Stories, like children, are a work in progress. Thoughts on additional chapters are welcome.
> 
> Apologies for any formatting errors or inconsistencies. I am discovering that I hate formatting with the fire of a thousand suns.


End file.
